


You're All that I Need (Underneath the Tree)

by serohtonin



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bullying, Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Ice Skating, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, New York, New York City, Romance, Wet Dream, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:49:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17426234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serohtonin/pseuds/serohtonin
Summary: After a rough breakup, Chris absolutely cannot stand Christmas. Will a chance meeting with a cute guy get him to open up his heart and enjoy the holidays once again?





	You're All that I Need (Underneath the Tree)

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the Kelly Clarkson song ["Underneath the Tree (not essential for understanding the plot but I recommend listening to it, especially if you've never heard it before)."](https://youtu.be/YfF10ow4YEo) I do not own anyone, except the original character of my own creation, nor do I own the rights to any songs, films, book characters, or cartoon characters mentioned. Though inspired by true events and inspired by aspects of real life, this story is a product of my imagination and I do not claim any of the relationships between real people that are depicted herein to be true or real.

Chris absolutely hates Christmas.

He can’t stand the pomp and circumstance, the artificial cheer, and the bright and shiny decorations that cover every store in glitter. He tries to stay as far away from it as possible every single year. But his old friend turned temporary roommate, Lea, loves it; she insists on getting the biggest and best decorations for their tiny New York apartment. They’re even setting up a tree the Monday after Thanksgiving. Well, Lea is. Chris just watches her struggling to put the pieces of the plastic evergreen together. Then he sits there, looking on while she gets tangled in a long string of lights.

“These aren’t working. Are you going to help me or not?” Lea huffs from the corner of the living room while Chris stays perched on his loveseat.

“Honey, I think you have to plug them in first.”

“I also have to untangle them, which you are not helping me with, Christopher. I know you just broke up with—”

“Don’t even say his name.” He glares at her. “Is this supposed to make me get up? Because it’s not happening.”

“I’m sorry. I thought that me staying with you and bringing a little color to this place would help you get out of this funk. It’s been months. You have to do something besides stare at a blank screen and pretend to write all day.” She looks at him with a frown, like a helpless kitten who’s unraveled a ball of yarn and got trapped in it.

He hates to admit that there might be some truth to her words. He’s been attempting to work on his novel, which his publisher had demanded he finish. However, the breakup seemed to zap all the energy he once had. The only thing he could put effort into was making it through another day without his ex. He never wanted to be that guy; he just _couldn’t_ be that guy. Not anymore.

He isn’t sure that the excitement of the holiday season will help him become himself again but he knows he can’t sulk anymore.

So he stands up and crosses the room, helping Lea out of her mess. “You’re right. The least I can do is see if these lights actually work.”

“Thank you. I’m here to make you feel better. I’m your friend, remember?” She smiles at him as soon she’s free of the wires that are now in Chris’ hands. “You just have to get out of your own head sometimes. It’s almost Christmas!”

Chris groans. “Ugh. Don't remind me.”

“Drop the tone and plug the lights in,” she chides. “They’re the next step in creating the most fabulous tree that this apartment has ever seen.”

“You are way too spirited about this.” He bends down on the floor to plug the lights into the socket. The string of lights spark and then flicker before dying altogether. He can’t help thinking it’s a terrible metaphor for his last relationship so he quickly pulls the plug on it before a fire can start.

Chris turns to face her but stays in his place on the floor. “Fabulous, huh?” 

She scowls but then her face lights up with an idea. “You know what this means?”

Chris shakes his head.

“Get up! It’s time to go shopping!”

\----

It’s only an hour or two later when Lea picks him up off the floor and convinces him that the experience of going out will be way better than simply replacing the broken lights online. Then they’re out in the city, searching for a place that actually sells them.

They rush down the sidewalk and into the store, escaping the harsh late November bite whipping through the air. The place is unusually large for the city and Chris doesn’t remember it being here before now. It appears to be a shop exclusively geared toward Christmas, the exact thing that Chris has been trying to escape. But he chose to let Lea take him out so he supposes he has to pay for it now. As soon as they walk in, he’s bombarded by Christmas music blaring through the speakers and a display of artificial trees cloaked in fake snow at their bases. Some of the trees are the traditional green, some are white, and some even silver, which makes Chris briefly wonder why anyone would want a silver tree. A few are already decorated, complete with garland, lights and a tree topper. He debates buying one of those, an evergreen, just so he can get out of this place before “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is burned into his brain for the rest of the day.

“Oh, hey! That one’s beautiful!” Lea points out the naked five foot silver tree, of course. “Too bad we already bought one. But just think of it with blue lights and a white star on top. Ooh, or an angel!”

“We’re here for lights. Let’s not get off track, Lea. You only want that one because you can actually reach to put the topper on it.”

“Ha ha,” she remarks wryly. “I shouldn’t have brought you. I knew you would spoil this.”

Chris sticks his tongue out at her. “You want me to get in the spirit? Baby steps, Lea.”

“Fine. I guess you setting foot in here is a mild improvement. And it’s your place. You should have a choice in decorating it. It’s going to be amazing. Trust me!” She grins, linking arms with him as they walk through the store, a sea of sparkly decorations resembling trees, reindeer and snowmen.

He doesn’t see lights anywhere.

Suddenly, Lea stops at an aisle, ornaments on one side and stockings on the other. She gets lost in the baskets of ornaments, exclaiming how perfect they’ll be on the tree. Chris figures it’s futile to convince her to just buy the lights and get out of here already, so he spins around, setting out to find the lights himself.

Then he collides with another body, someone slightly shorter with a flat chest. 

He pulls back to a man with hazel eyes that are far too bright and a blinding white smile that’s even brighter. The man is wearing a Santa hat with dark curls poking out of it and when Chris glances down, he notices there’s a red apron with a name tag attached that says “Darren.”

Chris stares, frozen in his spot as his traitorous heart skips a beat. This is exactly what he doesn’t need.

“I--I’m sorry,” Chris stammers and manages to look away.

“Hey, it’s cool. I’m Darren. Welcome to Winter Wonderland, the latest pop up Christmas store to hit Manhattan. How are you doing? Is there anything I can help you with today?”

“I, um, I’m reluctantly looking for lights for my tree because mine suddenly stopped working. But my friend dragged me here and I have no idea where to start. She got distracted by the vast array of ornaments.” He tilts his head towards where Lea is standing a few feet away, seemingly mesmerized by a tiny ornament resembling a mirrorball.

“Ahh. I see. I get distracted by shiny objects all the time. Happens to the best of us. Guess you’ll have a very disco Christmas if she has her way.”

“Oh, God, I hope not. It’s bad enough that she bought me a tree. I don’t need any more of her touches on it.” 

“You didn’t want a tree in your house?” Darren looks at him, his dark, bushy eyebrows peeking out from underneath his hat. They look ridiculous but somehow they suit his face. Chris has to admit it’s not a bad-looking face either.

Chris clears his throat to get it together so he can answer. “It’s a long story. So, um, the lights. Where are they?”

“Wait. I need to hear this. Your friend had to buy you a Christmas tree?” He asks incredulously. “As in you were just going to have a bleak and barren corner perfectly suited for one and you were going to leave it that way?”

“Do you get this personal with all your customers?” 

Chris raises an eyebrow in annoyance; even if the guy is cute, he’s not about to give away the sordid details of his life, including the rough breakup that had him not wanting to get out of bed for days, let alone shop for Christmas trees.

Darren lifts his hands in front of him defensively. “Sorry, man. It’s kinda odd that you’re in a Christmas store and you almost didn’t even have a tree. That’s all.”

“Well I’m here now. For lights. So please,” Chris snaps. 

“Okay. Fine.” Darren lowers his hands and his voice turns back to courteous and professional. “Follow me.”

Chris looks back at Lea, leaving her alone in the ornament aisle as he heads in the opposite direction with Darren. His eyes flicker over Darren’s frame and he can’t help checking out his ass.

He curses to himself, blaming the long self-imposed drought from being around any living, breathing male with dating potential. But he’s never dating again, especially not this guy, although he does have a nice ass and a killer smile.

“Alright, so, uh, we have your traditional string lights, white or multicolored. Or even red, blue, green, or a bunch of different colors down here,” Darren explains, holding his hand out to gesture toward the aisle they finally stop in front of. “If you have a green tree, I’m guessing you’ll want the lights with green wire. If not, we have several other options.” He turns around and grins at Chris. “The possibilities are nearly endless.”

“Just give me whatever’s the cheapest. The green wire is good. And white lights I guess.”

“Huh. I would’ve figured you for someone with more pizzazz. White lights have their own sophistication and all but multicolored is where it’s at. That’s my humble opinion anyway.”

“You want to offer me decorating advice?” 

“Sure, why not? It’s free of charge. Only for the cute customers, though.”

“I’ll go with the colored ones then,” Chris answers quickly and blushes, wondering if he heard that correctly as Darren smirks at him. 

Yeah, he definitely heard that correctly.

Darren turns around before picking up a couple of boxes of lights, not of the ones he mentioned but a more expensive looking variety on a shelf that requires him to reach up on his tiptoes.

Chris’ eyes wander down to the strip of skin revealed on Darren’s waist when his shirt hikes up. Then he quickly averts them when Darren faces him once more.

“Here you go. Two boxes of multicolored LED string lights. They save energy and all.” 

Chris frowns, glancing at the price sticker. “But they cost more.”

“Tell you what.” Darren hands them over and leans in. “I’ll give you a discount. Maybe I can even help you set them up?”

Chris blinks at Darren’s hopeful expression, like a puppy with a brand new toy; he isn’t going to be anyone’s toy, especially at Christmas. “I’ll take the discount. I don’t need any other services. Thank you very much.”

Darren shrugs, his smile dimming while he searches the pockets of his apron and comes up with two small pieces of paper and a pen. He scribbles something down and gives the papers to Chris. “Well, um, if you change your mind or you have any questions, just let me know.”

Chris looks down at them; one is a coupon and the other has Darren’s name and a phone number, along with the note:

_Since you’re not into house calls, how about coffee? :)_

Chris looks back up at Darren, who’s staring at him questioningly.

“I’ll think about it. Thanks again for your help.”

“The pleasure’s all mine.” Darren smiles again. “Have a fantastic day. See you soon.”

“We’ll see.” Chris’ knees almost give out as he practically sprints back to the other side of the store to find Lea. He spots her, still in the ornament aisle, now with a shopping basket full of all different kinds.

“Oh, good. You found lights! I found more decorations,” Lea says excitedly.

“Yeah, I see that. Can we go now?” He grabs her arm.

“Hey! What’s got you in such a rush?”

“I got a coupon and I want to make sure it’s not expired. C’mon.”

“Wait, how?” She snatches one of the papers from his hand and reads it. “Who’s Darren?”

“Just the guy who helped me out in the store.”

“Chris, I’m pretty sure this is his personal number and a smiley face. Is he cute?”

“Maybe. Are you done?”

“You need to seal the deal on this. It could be just the thing you need to get back in the game, babe.”

“I’m not sealing anything. We got our lights. Let’s go.”

Lea returns the paper to him. “Not until you put that number in your phone.”

“Lea--”

“Don’t.” She puts one hand on her hip. “Take a chance for once and text him when we get home.”

Chris stands there and rolls his eyes, staring at Darren’s scrawl and remembering that stupidly cute grin. “Fine. I’ll type it in but no promises.” 

He throws the boxes of lights into Lea’s basket and holds onto the paper while he pulls out his phone. Then he adds Darren’s number to his contacts.

“Yay! It’s a step forward and that’s a good thing. It’s only a text, Chris. What have you got to lose?”

He considers her words as they go to the checkout and pay for their items. This could end in disaster or it could be a new beginning that jumpstarts his heart.

Either way it’ll be an opportunity for adventure and he thinks he just might take it.

\---

But he's not without fear. It’s been three days and the lights are draped on the tree beautifully, along with a few of the ornaments that they purchased in the store. Darren’s note still sits on his nightstand, however, and he hasn’t contacted him at all.

He sits on the couch, admiring the tree in quiet contemplation. Darren was helpful, nice, and he seemed sweet; he even seemed genuinely interested and so, so attractive. There has to be something wrong with him.

The door slams, announcing another presence, and Chris jumps.

“Why are you here by yourself? Either you should’ve come out shopping with me or you should have called that Darren guy to cuddle with you by the tree,” Lea tells him in lieu of a greeting as she drops her grocery bags on the kitchen table.

“I've been shopping with you recently and it wasn’t exactly a picnic. The stores are hell anyway.”

“How would you know?” She asks, putting various items away in the cupboard and the fridge. “It’s early December and it’s a nice day. It's not quite the Christmas rush yet. Ooh, if Darren is working, you should go visit him!”

“And bother him when I haven’t spoken or texted a word to him since we met? He probably totally forgot about me.”

She stops moving around and stands at the edge of the kitchen. “Honey, you’re unforgettable. Besides, it’s only been a few days. You’re still within a perfectly acceptable time limit. Since you didn’t call right away, you don’t sound too desperate. I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear from you.”

“Yeah, or he’s already hit on some other customer.”

“Well, you’ll never know if you don’t try. You should have some fun after what happened with Kyle.”

He doesn’t want to think about the man he met and fell in love with when he first moved to New York. They had a whirlwind relationship and then he moved in after only a few months together. Somehow, they lasted for a few years after that but when he came home one day he had found Kyle’s bags packed by the door. On their three year anniversary, Kyle had declared that he didn’t love Chris anymore or maybe ever. Then his ex left and Lea moved in the next day.

“Or I could avoid the whole mess altogether and not text him at all,” Chris finally answers. “Save the time and heartbreak.”

She walks over to him, joining him on the couch. “How do you know it’s going to end in heartbreak? He could be a good one. He could be _the one,_ for all you know.”

“Yeah, right. Or he could be a complete nutcase.”

“So you don’t see him again or you stop talking to him. You won’t know if you don’t try. If you don't text him, I’ll do it for you. Where’s your phone?”

“Alright.” Chris sighs. “But if he doesn’t answer, my first drink tonight is on you because I’ll be drowning my hopes into a glass.”

“Way to be optimistic, dear Christopher.”

“Will you buy me a drink or not?”

“Sure, but you won't need one if you’re with Darren.” She winks at him.

He laughs and lightly elbows her in her side before sending a text to Darren that reads, _“Hey what’s up? It’s Chris from the store the other day.”_

Lea squeezes his hand while Chris waits. He gets a response about twenty minutes later.

_Hi! Sorry. I was working but now I’m on my break. You still up for hanging out?_

Chris thinks about it for a moment and decides he should do it. If it goes wrong, he could just add it to his long list of romantic failures. So he types back:

_Sure, I’m game, as long as we’re not picking out Christmas lights again._

A minute later, Darren answers:

_Nah, that’s too predictable. How about coffee in midtown tomorrow around noon?_

_Yes,_ Chris replies. _That sounds good._

_Cool. You should dress in layers and gloves. I hear it’s going to be pretty damn cold._

Chris’ brow furrows at the advice but his stomach flips happily at Darren already showing such concern for him.

_Thanks,_ Chris offers. _See you then!_

_See ya! :)_

Darren adds another text after that: 

_In case you forget a coat, I guess I could always warm you up! ;)_

Chris smiles and types a simple, _“Haha”_ in response.

“Wow, he’s got you smiling,” Lea comments. “Guess I’m not buying you a drink tonight. Can I say I told you so yet?”

“Only if it goes well. Otherwise, I can tell _you_ that I told you so.”

“But you won’t. This isn’t going down in flames. I have a good feeling about it.”

“Surprisingly, I think I might too.”

That night, Chris goes to bed, thinking of Darren’s smile.

Maybe Darren will change Chris’ mind about dating after all.

\----

But first Chris has to actually go on the date. He jumps out of bed early in the morning and doesn’t eat, instead fussing over what to wear. He wonders how anyone could look good in the winter weather.

After a couple of hours, he settles on dark blue skinny jeans and a black button down with a long black jacket that hits halfway down his thigh. Then he tops it off with the first pair of gloves he can find, red with grey fingertips. 

He walks a few blocks and exhales harshly, his warm breath visibly colliding with the cold air. He frowns and rubs his hands together but keeps walking until he reaches the address of the coffee shop where Darren texted him to meet.

Darren is standing out front, in a tan and blue windbreaker, his head covered by a navy blue beanie and square black-rimmed glasses obscuring his face. His bare hands are clasped together and he’s shivering, his mouth a straight line until he catches sight of Chris.

Darren blinks at him for a moment before that beautiful grin appears. “Hey, you made it!”

Chris glances away and then meets his gaze, unsure of how to greet him. “Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t turn down free food or drinks.” He tilts his chin, gesturing to Darren’s hands. “I thought you said to dress warmly.”

Darren looks down briefly, his long eyelashes framing his face, even behind his glasses. “Huh, guess I can’t follow my own advice. I couldn’t find gloves and I didn’t want to be late to--to this. But yeah, that’ll be important.”

“Why? Why aren’t we inside getting coffee or something?”

“Because we can do that after we go ice skating. Bryant Park’s only a block or so away if that’s something you’re up for.”

“I--You should know I’m kind of a klutz. I went rollerskating once a few years ago and I sprained my wrist. I’m not too sure about adding ice and blades to the mix.”

He grimaces. “Sorry, man. I promise I’ll watch out for you. I’m decent at it.” Then he raises his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe I can teach you a few moves.” 

Chris narrows his eyes. “We’ll see about that.”

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

Chris thinks about how he might make a fool of himself but he might just have some fun. Besides, Darren doesn’t exactly seem like the worst company in the world.

“Okay. Yeah.” Chris agrees.

“Awesome! Let’s go!”

Darren grabs his hand and drags Chris down the street before he can even comprehend what’s happening. But Chris goes with it, wrapping his fingers around Darren’s freezing ones and finding that he likes it.

They stop at the corner, waiting to cross the street when Darren interrupts his thoughts.

“I--I’m sorry if that was uncalled for. I just--I really wanted to hold your hand.” Darren blushes, looking out at the traffic.

“It’s okay. I might need a lot more of it out on the rink.” Chris assures him, still clutching his hand.

“Good. That’s, um, good to know.” He squeezes Chris’ hand as they cross the street and arrive at the ice rink area of the park.

They wait in line to rent skates and Darren rubs his thumb along the back of Chris’ hand silently for a few moments until he asks, “So, Chris, have you actually ever been ice skating?”

“Did you not hear that I’m a walking disaster? In the three and a half years I’ve lived here, I’ve managed to avoid most physical activity, except for walking. Even that has had its danger, especially in the rain and snow. I’ve gotten a few bumps and bruises from slipping on the sidewalk, not to mention a couple of emergency room trips. I’m pretty sure that some of the doctors know me by name at this point.”

Darren laughs adorably and Chris thinks he might be falling in a different way.

“That’s unfortunate but I’m glad you’re okay now. Those experiences have made for some interesting stories, I bet,” Darren comments.

“More like embarrassing. I can’t believe I’m even telling you. I barely even know you.”

“And yet we are still holding hands, Chris. So there must be something you like.” 

“Maybe,” Chris concedes. “Maybe I’m taking pity on the guy who forgot to wear gloves in twenty degree weather.”

“Ouch.” Darren touches his chest with his free hand, feigning injury. “You wound me. Maybe I won’t catch you when you fall out there.”

“Oh, so now it’s a matter of when I fall, not _if?”_ Chris challenges.

“Hey, you’re the one who said you can’t even handle walking down the street. I’m just going with what you told me.” 

“Fair enough.” Chris shrugs, not missing the way that Darren’s eyes flicker across his face. “What?”

“Nothing. I just--This is nice. I knew there was a friendly person somewhere in there, despite how you sprinted away a few days ago.”

“Yeah, well, I have my reasons,” Chris tells him, snatching his hand away.

Darren frowns. “I’d like to hear them some time, if you’re willing to let me.”

“We’ll see how today goes. It’s only our first--our first time hanging out.”

“Hanging out.” Darren smirks and nods. “Right.”

Chris doesn’t want to call it a date out loud, although all signs seem to be pointing that way. He can’t put that kind of pressure on it just yet.

“So,” Darren continues, breaking him from his thoughts. “You were saying you’ve lived here for three and a half years. Where are you from and what brought you here?”

“Oh, um, California originally. A podunk town that I wanted to get as far away from as possible. I managed to save up some money working a dead end job while I tried my hand at community college. I promised my parents I would at least try going to school but it was never a good fit. I begged my parents to spare some cash and with what I had saved, it was just enough for a few months’ rent here. I finished a manuscript, managed to sell it to a publishing company, and the rest is history.”

“That's kind of amazing. I’m a fellow Cali transplant too,” Darren replies as they move forward in line. “San Fran. I followed my brother out here a little while after college and I’ve been working on my music the past few years or so. What kind of stuff do you write?”

“The piece I sold was a children’s novel. It’s supposed to be a series but I haven’t written much of anything recently. I bet you’re faring the same with your music, given where we met.”

“Yeah, that’s a side job. I’ve gotten some gigs and I even released my own EP independently. It had some buzz initially last year but nothing panned out from it really. So I’ve been working in retail on and off. I’ve been going on Broadway auditions, too, while I can. I went to school for acting and that’s what I’d really love to do.”

“Have you thought of combining the two? Like have you done musical theater?”

“Ha!” Darren chuckles. “Have you ever seen _A Very Potter Musical?_ It’s this thing on YouTube I did back in school and—”

“Oh my God! I thought you looked familiar!” Chris exclaims, scrutinizing Darren’s face and suddenly remembering the hours he spent watching it when he was in high school, losing himself in the fantasy of it all. _“You’re_ Harry Freakin’ Potter?”

“The one and only. Except Daniel Radcliffe might take offense to that.”

“Your musical was huge in its own right, Darren. You made a second one a couple years later, right? I thought a third was in the works.”

Darren nods. “Yeah, we’re trying. I’m here and most of my college buddies are based in Chicago so it’s hard.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Chris says, wistfully remembering the one friend he had back in Clovis who still lives out there. 

He decides to focus on the more pressing issue, though, like how’s he on a date with a hot and talented viral video star. So he continues talking before he can stop himself.

“But I have to admit that you were really good.”

“Thanks.” Darren looks away bashfully.

“Dare I say _‘totally awesome?’”_ Chris chuckles. 

“And here I thought you weren’t going to make this weird.” 

“Okay, I'm done, I swear.”

“You’ll have to be,” Darren says as they reach the window where they pick up their skates. “For now anyway.”

They each tell the clerk their skate size and Darren offers to pay for Chris’ rental. Chris pulls out his wallet but Darren stops him with a hand on his.

“I got it. It’s called being a gentleman, even though you made fun of me, Chris,” he remarks as they walk toward a bench to put on their skates.

“Oh, really? You’ve been teasing the hell out of me. You get as good as you give, Darren.”

“That I do.” Darren winks. “Maybe you can find out more about that later.”

Chris’ face flushes and he mentally blames it on the temperature and the cold wind still whipping through the air. He takes his shoes off and puts his skates on, carefully lacing and tying them while Darren sits next to him and does the same.

Chris is about to attempt standing up when Darren stops him with a hand on his knee. Suddenly Darren kneels in front of him after that.

“Just making sure your skates are on tight enough,” Darren murmurs, his fingers deftly unknotting the laces on Chris’ skates and tying them tighter, practically cutting off his circulation.

“Is that really necessary?” Chris groans.

“What you should be saying is, ‘Thank you, Darren. Now I won’t accidentally fly out of my skates.’” Darren grins cheekily.

Chris crosses his arms and sticks his tongue out. “Can you help me up?”

“Of course.”

As he takes Chris’ hand once more and they gingerly walk toward the rink, Chris feels a flood of panic rush through him.

They pause at the entrance and Darren lays a hand on his upper back.

“Hey, I got you,” Darren reassures him. “If we fall, we fall together. It’ll be alright.”

“I’m not sure that’ll help. I’ll be bringing you down with me, though if I knew what we were doing today, I would have brought a helmet and knee pads.” Chris grips the edge of the barrier with one hand, looking out at the rink. “This might end badly otherwise.”

“Chris,” Darren whispers.

When Chris turns his head, Darren’s face is so close, his cold breath hitting Chris’ lips.

“Yeah?” Chris returns.

“I’ll totally kiss it and make it better. I promise.” Darren’s golden eyes flicker to Chris’ mouth and Chris realizes he’s totally done for when it comes to this guy.

Chris nods. “O-okay. I guess that’s a pretty good incentive.”

“Good. Let’s get out there.”

They step onto the ice and Chris’ knees instantly start to shake while Darren maintains perfect composure.

“You can do it,” Darren encourages, facing Chris and holding both his hands. “Just relax. It’s a little like walking, except it takes longer, smoother strides. Watch me.”

Darren drops one of Chris’ hand and then the other until Chris finds himself reaching out for him.

“N-no,” Chris says. “I don’t want to-Can we do it together?”

Darren takes Chris’ hands once more. “Sure. You have to actually move though, Chris. We can start with baby steps instead, okay?”

“Alright.”

Chris takes a few choppy steps forward while Darren skates backward in time with him.

“Hey, not bad for a California kid.” Darren smiles. “See? You got it.”

“Takes one to know one,” Chris easily banters back despite the fluttering of his stomach, which could be from the fear of mortal injury or from Darren holding onto his hands again.

“I guess I walked into that one. Or maybe I skated into it.”

“Oh my God. We haven’t actually skated that much yet, Darren.”

“True, but we will. I’ll make you into a proficient skater by the time we’re done here.”

Chris scoffs. “I doubt it.”

“Try me. Skate a little more. I won’t let go until you’re ready.”

Chris follows Darren’s instruction the best he can, trusting the earnestness in those eyes and feeling a little steadier with each stride.

“I think I actually do have it,” Chris declares. “But don’t let go yet. Please.”

Darren’s face lights up for a second but he quickly schools it into something more serious. “Okay. We’ll go around the rink once and you can try it then. How about that?”

“Alright.” Chris agrees and they slowly make their way around the rink.

Darren is patient but Chris can feel the nervous energy flying from Darren's fingers as he keeps glancing out into the middle of the rink where other people are skating smoothly and laughing together.

“You can let go in a minute.” Chris tells him. “You wanna skate circles around me. I can see it.”

“I won’t though. Not unless you’re ready.”

They’re almost near the spot where they began when Chris stops.

“I’ll be fine, thanks to you.” Chris smiles tentatively. “Start without me and I’ll catch up as soon as I can.”

“No. I can’t do that. We’re doing this together. You’re coming with me.”

And just like that, Darren drops his hold on one of his hands and continues to grip the other, dragging Chris with him as he quickly skates into the middle. Chris barely keeps up, almost tripping over himself as his feet somehow propel him forward.

They pause in the middle, Chris catching his breath while Darren looks completely relaxed and happy.

“Well, we made it without falling yet,” Darren remarks. “We’re practically Olympic status now.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“We will be soon because I’m a fucking awesome teacher.” Darren sadly lets go of Chris’ hand to skate in a small circle.

Surprisingly, Chris follows and is a bit wobbly but he doesn’t fall.

They continue skating around the middle of the rink for a bit, Chris keeping Darren in his sights and managing to stay upright.

Darren spins around to face him and skates backwards, staying slightly out of reach while Chris skates toward him. Darren gradually skates more quickly, a teasing grin playing across his face.

If there weren’t children around, Chris would stick his middle finger in the air at him. Instead, he attempts to skate faster to catch up with him. Darren laughs loudly as he keeps eluding Chris.

Chris purses his lips in determination and picks up speed - _faster, faster, faster_ until he’s _thisclose_ and then—

He crashes, barreling into Darren and falling over on top of him.

Darren’s glasses are frosted over a bit but Chris can still make out the heat in his eyes and the part of his mouth.

“Whoa. Guess you can’t keep up with me,” Darren says quietly, brushing the hair off of Chris’ forehead.

“Maybe not,” Chris utters breathlessly. “Maybe I got you right where I want you,” he adds boldly.

“Oh, yeah?” Darren bites his own lip and slowly releases it. “How do you know you didn’t play right into my plan?”

“I can’t believe it. You’re so smooth.”

“At least one of us is,” Darren answers, leaning in.

Chris inhales, preparing to meet him when ice flies into his face.

He looks over to a small skate blade inches away from his face and a young boy apologizing for getting too close.

Darren chuckles as the boy skates away. “Come on, let’s get up. Maybe we should, um, get going.”

Chris shakes his head. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Oh, the hazards of ice skating in a public park.” Darren pushes Chris off of him gently and grabs his hand, pulling them both upright and keeping Chris close. “I intend to finish what I started though.”

“I--I wouldn’t mind that.”

“Alright. Then how about some hot chocolate?”

“Sounds good.”

They skate back to the entrance of the rink and then change into their shoes as quickly as possible.

“That was fun, wasn’t it?” Darren asks as they return their skates to the rental booth.

“It went better than I expected. But I still feel like I’m getting my feet back under me.”

“Are you okay to walk? That was a pretty rough fall you took there.”

“Yeah, right into you,” Chris replies, missing the heat of Darren’s hand in his. “I should be asking you the same.”

“I’ll be fine. I didn’t exactly mind it, if you couldn't tell.” Darren smiles, coincidentally reaching for Chris’ hand as they turn away from the booth.

Chris takes it, wondering how Darren could have read his mind. “I know. That’s-That’s a good sign.”

“Wow, you’re adorable. Y’know, I'm glad you finally decided to text me back. I was beginning to think you were a lost cause.”

He thinks about the opportunity he almost missed at having fun with Darren, simply because he was too afraid to take a chance. He would have been safe at home but still lonely and wondering what might have been.

“I thought so too,” Chris says absently as they walk across the street and make their way to the coffee shop.

Darren looks at him curiously when they stop in front of their destination. “I bet you’re full of stories, Chris. Why don’t you tell me one of them when we get our drinks?”

Chris studies him and takes the route of deflecting, not wanting to give too much away. “I’ll think about it. Why don’t you tell me why you aren’t in Chicago with Starkid?”

Darren frowns, opening the door for Chris. “I already told you. Music and shit. I like taking chances. I don’t do safe bets.”

“I bet you’re full of stories too, then,” Chris remarks as he walks through the entrance to the coffee shop.

“You have no idea.”

“I’d like to,” Chris tells him as they get in line to order; he knows that he definitely wants to find out and despite his trepidation, he wants a second date for sure. 

“Good. Good to know the feeling’s mutual. Since I invited you and made you suffer out there on the ice, how about I treat you?” Darren offers. 

“You already paid for my skates. I can’t possibly-”

“Please. It’s the least I can do. Maybe you can find us a seat. Promise me you won’t abandon me while I order?” Darren turns on that smile once more and Chris can’t help giving in. 

“Alright. Fine,” Chris answers.

“What would you like?”

“A medium hot chocolate would be nice.”

“Got it, good sir,” Darren replies before Chris leaves the line.

He finds an empty table and his phone beeps while he’s waiting for Darren to return. It’s a text from Lea:

_How’s the date? Is he a dreamboat?_

Chris rolls his eyes and chuckles as he texts back:

_I’m pretty sure no one uses that phrase anymore but the answer is yes. Sigh. Things are going well. Almost too well. We went ice skating and now we’re getting hot chocolate._

_Aww :),_ Lea replies. _That’s cute and all but did you make out with him yet?_

Chris is about to answer her when the smell of cocoa hits his nose. He looks up to find Darren next to him, placing two cups on the table.

“What’s up?” Darren asks. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, um--Just my friend. The one I came to the store with that day. It’s nothing though.” He blushes, covering his phone with his hand and quickly placing it on his lap.

Darren smirks, glancing down at the movement. “Right. So, um, no more Christmas-related mishaps on the homefront? No tangled garland, broken lights, ugly tree skirt?” Darren grimaces. “Trust me, you can’t unsee an ugly tree skirt.”

“Nope. So far, I’m in the clear, thanks to you. My apartment is filled with Christmas cheer,” he says flatly, sort of grateful for the change in subject.

“You don’t seem too excited about that prospect.” 

“I wasn’t. I’m still not.” Chris frowns before taking a sip of his drink.

“Why not? It’s the most wonderful time of the year, Chris.” Darren playfully nudges his shoulder.

Chris coughs, thinking of all the traditions he made with Kyle: braving the crowds on Black Friday because Kyle loved it, trimming the tree and decorating their apartment the day after that, singing festive songs while baking cookies, and exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve before hopping a red eye flight to California for Christmas dinner with Chris’ family.

This would be the first Christmas without him and Chris was contemplating staying on the East Coast and having a quiet Christmas alone, if only to avoid all the questions that Hannah and his parents would have.

“It’s not so great.” Chris shrugs. “It’s more stressful than anything, between buying gifts, baking cookies, and flying back to see family. And it seems like the songs play everywhere earlier and earlier.”

“That’s true. They’ve been playing in the store since early November. Sometimes you have to just grin and bear it. But other times, the kids are so happy and everything is so festive and colorful, especially when it snows. It’s why I love being in the city this time of year.” Darren grins, looking away as if wistfully remembering something. 

Then he continues. “The first year I moved here, there was a huge storm on Christmas Eve and before all the snow plows came, me and my brother had a snowball fight. It was so awesome. _A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight,”_ he sings melodically. _“Walkin’ in a winter wonderland.”_ After that, he goes back to speaking in his normal tone. “It was a little like that. Kind of magical to be honest.”

Chris’ eyes widen in amazement at how a grown man who works a low-paying job while chasing his dreams can still find wonder in such simple things. But then Chris quickly schools his face into a more neutral expression. “That sounds nice. The memory and your voice. It’s even better than hearing it through a video screen.”

“Gee, thanks. Does it make you love Christmas yet?”

“Don’t push your luck, Darren.”

“Would it be pushing my luck to ask for a second date?”

“Hmm. As long as you don’t wear that Santa hat from the day I met you.”

“Aww, why not? Don’t I bear a striking resemblance to him?”

“Maybe to one of his elves.”

“Is that a short joke? Ouch.”

“Serves you right for bringing me out onto that ice and making me chase you,” Chris counters after a sip of his drink.

“I think you handled it pretty well, except for the crash at the end. Well, maybe including the crash, before we were interrupted.” Darren sighs. “I guess we can try something a little quieter next time.”

“Next time, huh? Why do I get the feeling that ‘quieter’ isn’t your style?” 

“You’re right. Less physically active, then, if you’re up for it.” Darren chuckles and wraps his hands around his cup, glancing down for a second before looking back up. “I have a gig in a few days. Maybe you could come?”

“Yeah I’d--I’d like that.”

Darren’s mouth curves into a slow smile. “Good.”

As they finish their hot chocolate, they discuss more about their families, Darren explaining that his brother, who’s older, is his only sibling. In turn, Chris tells him that he has a younger sister who he talks to at least once a day but he doesn’t give any more details than that.

Chris says he grew up and lived near Fresno his whole life while Darren lived in Hawaii before moving to San Francisco; however, he didn’t remember very much about life on the islands because he was so young. 

Then they delve into small talk about the weather and Darren’s job, Chris carefully avoiding that his own career is stalling lately. Instead, he jokes about Christmas again and Darren calls him a Scrooge McDuck.

“You’ll see. I’ll make you enjoy the holiday season yet,” Darren ensures, tapping Chris’ nose once they exit the coffee shop. “So, we’re on for my gig?”

“Yeah. Just let me know the details.” Chris swallows. “Do you, um, do you still plan on warming me up or—?” 

He’s interrupted by Darren cupping his cheek and briefly pressing his lips to Chris’ own. 

“Mhmm.” Darren nods, breaking away for a second. “Was that clear enough for you?”

“Not quite. I think I’m gonna need a little more clarification.”

Darren kisses him again, this time more firmly. Chris meets it, gripping Darren’s hips and sucking at his upper lip. Darren’s free hand caresses Chris’ other cheek gently before slipping down to Chris’ neck. But then Darren pulls away all too soon.

“Does that help you at all?” Darren murmurs against his lips.

“I think so.”

Darren laughs low and throaty. “Awesome. Talk to you soon?”

“Yeah,” Chris says breathlessly.

Then he watches Darren walk away, thinking his body as well as his heart might be slowly warming to the idea of being with someone again.

But a chill runs through him as he recalls Kyle’s suitcases by the door and his ex’s stoic face the day he left.

Could Chris tear open a wound that hasn’t fully healed yet? Should he even subject Darren to all of his inner turmoil?

_It’s only one more date,_ he tells himself. _I don’t need to spill my life story._

He knows he kind of wants to, though; maybe he will, maybe he won’t.

He’ll have to wait and see, and hope he doesn’t push Darren away in the process.

\----

Darren doesn't give him the opportunity, however, and texts him the next morning with the address of the bar where he’s playing.

A couple of days and more than a few flirty texts later, Chris walks there, despite the cold seeping into his bones with every step. He can’t really afford to take a cab and he doesn’t feel like dealing with the crowd of people filling the subway on days like these.

He arrives early and notices that the band is setting up but Darren is nowhere in sight. So he sighs and takes a seat at the bar in the back although there are many empty tables throughout. Then he orders a beer to ease his nerves a bit (he’s not sure why; he hates beer) but as soon as he takes a sip, Darren is by his side out of nowhere. 

As promised, Darren isn’t wearing a Santa hat but he is wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, bright green with a reindeer on it and a red pom-pom for a nose, complete with twinkling lights that look almost like stars. There are also huge pom-poms surrounding the garish cartoon animal.

But when Darren smiles that trademark face-splitting grin, he could care less about his fashion choices.

“Hey! I’m so glad you made it!” Darren exclaims, hugging Chris tightly and tucking his face into Chris’ neck. He smells subtly like aftershave, so masculine, clean, and delicious that Chris laments when he pulls away.

“I wouldn’t have missed it, Darren. I'm interested to see if you still have talent, Mr. Potter.”

Darren laughs. “It’s _Sir_ Potter, because I’m sure Harry has been knighted by now. And I’ll have you know I have loads of talent. I made this baby myself.” He slides his hands down his sides, gesturing to the sweater and then twirls, displaying red sequined letters on the back that read _Merry Christmas._

“I don’t believe you and that is not talent. It’s kind of atrocious.”

“Atrociously awesome but you got me. I didn’t make it. I’m pretty sure that someone did though. I bet it took mad creativity and a lot of hours to make, too, so don’t hate because you’re not cool enough to wear it.”

Chris rolls his eyes. “You’re ridiculous.”

Darren sticks his tongue out. “You kissed this face. Who’s the ridiculous one now?”

Chris blushes. “Don’t you have a show to do?”

“Nope. Not until you kiss me again.”

“That’s emotional blackmail. You’d go up there whether or not I kiss you.”

“True. But you want to, don’t you?” Darren asks with a curious tilt of his head.

Chris pretends to debate, though he already knows the answer is yes. “Perhaps.”

“I know you can do better than that. Don’t make me break out the mistletoe.” Darren puckers, those full lips beautifully on display.

“Do you have it in your back pocket or something?”

“I might. Now unless you’re against PDA—” Darren starts but Chris cuts him off with a kiss, surprising even himself.

He wasn’t opposed to handholding but he used to hate it whenever his ex tried to touch him any more intimately than that in public. That was because in the beginning, Kyle glared at anyone who so much as looked at Chris and wrapped his arms around him as if Chris was his prize. Gradually that changed as their relationship progressed and as they slowly drifted away from each other, Chris craved that physical attention and affection. Now, with Darren, he can satisfy that need, if only to shut him up in this case.

Darren blinks in amazement, licking his lips after Chris breaks away.

“I’m not against it, just so you know. Even when you have that ugly sweater on,” Chris murmurs, his eyes darting from Darren’s bright hazel eyes to his spit-slick lips.

“Glad to know I’m that irresistible, you Scrooge,” Darren says after a beat. “You did make out with me on the street corner so I probably shouldn’t have even asked.”

“Darren!” He chides, looking around to see if anyone heard. “It sounds horrible when you put it that way. And it wasn’t a street corner. It was a sidewalk!”

“Close enough.” He raises his eyebrows. “But for the record, it was nice.”

“I have to admit that I agree. That’s kind of why I did it again,” Chris blurts out. “Oh God, did I say that out loud?”

“Yes, you did, McDuck, and I appreciate the honesty.” Darren grins again and takes Chris’ hand. “Now I need to know something else: why is my only fan sitting by himself at the bar when he could have a front row seat?”

“I bet I’m not your only fan.”

“Please. They’re not exactly coming in droves to this dive. Not that I don’t love this dive,” he shouts to the bartender who’s clearly within earshot. “But I need all the support I can get. Plus I’ll give you a backstage all-access pass to the talent.”

“Mmm, tempting.” He grabs his beer with his free hand and swigs it with a grimace. “I hear the drummer’s pretty hot.”

Darren shrugs. “You’re actually not wrong but something tells me you’re more of a lead singer kind of fella.”

“I plead the fifth.”

Darren darts in unexpectedly and kisses him once more, chaste and brief. “I rest my case. Now, c’mon. I want to see you when I’m up there.”

“Okay. Fine.”

He holds onto his drink and lets Darren drag him to the very front, at a table with a short, thin brunette who looks vaguely familiar.

“This is my friend, Lauren,” Darren explains. “So you won’t be alone. Lauren, this is Chris.”

Chris squints. “Lauren Lopez?”

“Yup, the one and only. Actually, I’m not sure if that’s true but that’s definitely my name,” she remarks, shaking Chris’ hand. “Has this one already told you about me?” She points in Darren’s direction with her thumb.

“Not quite. I just--I’ve seen the Potter musical you guys did before I even met him so that’s how I know. You were pretty great.”

“Aww, shucks. I bet you say that to every YouTube personality you meet,” she returns.

“Yes, he does,” Darren adds. “I’m right here.”

“No one asked you, Darebear. You’re lucky I even flew out from Chicago to see you in the first place after that shitshow with Julia.” Lauren shoots a pointed gaze at Darren.

Chris looks between them as Darren goes quiet, his eyes cast to the floor. Part of him wonders what sort of drama he’s missing out on but he’s too afraid to ask.

“You’re both brilliant,” Chris assures them. “And I do believe we came to see someone play music, not listen to me geek out over you two.”

“You’re right but feel free to continue stroking my ego afterwards.” Darren winks and then kisses Chris on the cheek before briefly meeting Lauren’s eyes. “See you guys in a bit.”

Darren departs, heading for the microphone on the small stage.

“Will you be stroking anything else?” Lauren asks. “Because from the way he hasn’t shut up about you since I landed here, it sounds like you’re more than just a Starkid groupie.”

Chris’ cheeks turn red. “I, um, I don’t know. I didn’t realize who he was until midway through our first date. So, no, I’m not just a fan. I actually like him for more than that.”

“Good. I hope it works out. He deserves some happiness in his life, even though I’m still kind of pissed at him.”

Before Chris can ask what she means by that, Darren’s voice booms among the din of the patrons.

“Hey, thanks for coming out tonight. I’m Darren Criss and I’ll be your entertainment for the evening. If you don’t dig my stuff, you can just leave. They do have booze and some pretty good wings here, though, so I recommend powering through it.” He chuckles. “Anyway, I’m gonna play some tunes for you tonight. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s up to you.”

Darren bends down to strap on his guitar. Then he stands up and begins to strum, the strings and his voice blaring through the microphone once more. “So, um, sorry if I offend but I wanted to do some Christmas stuff given the season that’s currently upon us. I know we’re all bombarded by it everywhere. Some of us might be sick of it.” He gazes at Chris. “Well, I’m gonna give you more anyway so here we go.”

He starts with “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” on guitar and drums, dancing as much as his upper body allows with the instrument on him. He continues with an equally upbeat pop-rock tune called “Run Run Rudolph” and Chris can’t help bopping along to the beat; Darren’s enthusiasm seems to be contagious because Lauren does the same, nearly jumping out of her seat and smiling. 

“I hate Christmas,” Chris leans over and confesses to her. “Darren must be working some black magic.”

Lauren giggles. “Yeah, he’s pretty magical. He's that good at what he does. Er, what he wants to do, I guess. I hear the music thing isn’t super successful for him right now.”

“Yeah, he works at some store downtown,” Chris shouts.

She asks him to repeat himself over the loud atmosphere so he does.

“I heard,” Lauren answers and frowns disapprovingly. Then she opens her mouth as if she’s about to say something else but she quickly closes it. 

“Well, we all gotta make ends meet somehow,” she adds with a shrug a few moments later.

“That’s true. I think he might just make it in this city. He’s too talented not to.” 

“Maybe.” 

He doesn’t miss her lack of confidence in her friend and suspects that there might be a reason for it. He doesn’t dwell on it too much though, staring at Darren in awe as he goes on with so many great renditions of well-known songs. When Darren announces he’s about halfway through his set, he smirks at him and declares that it's getting a little warm in here. After that, Darren reveals a strip of his beautiful olive skin as he peels off his sweater and is left clad in only a thin white t-shirt to go with his blue jeans. 

Suddenly Chris remembers the fantasies of his youth where Darren teased him like this, slowly taking off each layer before he straddled Chris and brought him to a sweet release; it did the trick during those lonely nights in Clovis where no guy spared him a second glance, except to question his outfits or push him against a locker so roughly that the indentations of the combination lock pressed into him later. 

The lights blind him as they brighten, announcing the end of the show and shaking him out of his fantasy.

“Well, I don’t know if you’ll be getting any tonight but it looks like you definitely want to, Fanboy,” Lauren teases, poking Chris with her elbow.

“I, um--”

“You, um, what?” Darren asks, his arm already comfortably around Chris’ waist before he can realize it.

“Nothing,” Chris pipes up, his heart thudding in his chest. “You looked really good up there. That’s all.”

Darren squeezes Chris’ side. “That’s all, huh?”

“You have a very impressive body of work,” Chris explains.

“Which is code for he thinks you’re hot and he wants to jump your bones,” Lauren clarifies. “Isn’t that right, Chris?” 

Chris swallows, pretending to consider her when of course, she’s absolutely correct in her assumptions.

“Well?” Darren looks at him with wide, honey eyes.

Chris just nods at him.

“I wouldn't exactly mind it, y’know,” Darren confirms, pecking Chris’ cheek. “I gotta help the guys pack up but I’m having a little shindig at my place if you wanna join. The band’s coming and whoever else can make it from Chicago in time.”

As is becoming the norm, Chris knows he doesn’t want his time with Darren to end. So he agrees, even if parties aren’t really his thing, especially when he doesn’t personally know the people attending.

Chris downs another sip of his long forgotten beer, now stale and bitter tasting and says, “Sure. Can’t wait.”

\----

At the party, Darren laughs and introduces Chris to the cute drummer, Theo, along with the rest of the band and then Darren’s numerous friends. Chris can’t help feeling a little starstruck when he meets Joey Richter, Joe Walker, and even Brian Holden. Julia is notably absent, but of course, Chris doesn’t mention it.

Instead, he watches on as Darren chats with everyone, holding court over the small but amiable crowd. The alcohol flows, almost easing Chris’ nerves at how right it seems to be in the company of all these people, like he belongs here. He hadn’t felt like this even in his best times with his ex. That, coupled with the way that Darren stays intimately in his space brings him warmth and joy that has long been absent from his heart.

It doesn’t help that Chris’ masturbatory fantasy from earlier still rushes through him as fast as the three shots he drinks during the evening. His inner adolescent is thrilled at the opportunity that tonight offers, while his adult self, still raw and broken from the past, is contemplating running out the door. This isn’t just a fantasy now, and Darren isn’t his teen idol anymore. He’s a living, breathing person that Chris can touch and hold if he wants. And oh, does he want.

Better yet, he knows Darren wants him too. Chris feels brave and almost forgets that he doesn’t do casual hookups, at least not with someone he plans on seeing again while fully clothed. He prefers to wait and get to know a guy before jumping into his bed. Yet the last time he waited around like that, for Kyle, it ended so badly that he still suffers from writer’s block even now, months later.

His head is spinning as he keeps thinking, or is it the room that’s spinning? Or maybe it’s both.

“Whoa, there,” Darren offers through the haze, grabbing one of Chris’ hands to steady him. “I haven’t seen you this wobbly since you were on skates. Scratch that, you’re actually worse now. You wanna sit?”

When Chris finally settles his gaze, Darren’s glassy but concerned eyes are on him and Chris’ heart leaps frighteningly in his chest. 

“Thank you, yes. In your lap, actually,” Chris blurts out boldly before smacking his free hand over his mouth.

Darren pries Chris’ hand away from his mouth with a laugh. “That can be arranged. But it’s a shame you’re too drunk for much more, babe. Otherwise, I’d raise you that outburst and see it with something ten times dirtier.”

“Are you—? Were those gambling terms? If so, I think I’ve become a betting man.”

“We are totally saving that for another time, Chris, because right now, I don’t think you can handle what I want to do to you.”

With Darren’s hand still warm in his, Chris remembers his fantasy from earlier, despite the buzzing of his blood, and stumbles forward a little. “Oh, yeah? I probably could.”

“Nope.” Darren shakes his head, the _p_ sound popping off his lips. “You are getting to bed, mister, even if I have to leave my own party to get you there.”

For a moment, Chris frowns, thinking Darren is going to attempt to haul him down three flights of stairs and send him into a cab back home. But then Darren’s slipping his hand out of Chris’ and wrapping his arm around the small of Chris’ back while they head down a dark hallway.

When Darren flings the door open and flicks the light on, Chris sees a bedroom with posters of Star Wars, Transformers, and various bands on the walls. He also notices a keyboard set up in the corner with an open book of sheet music, along with the guitar that he played at the show resting against the base of the keyboard stand. There’s a big bed in the middle of it all and Chris is on it in seconds.

“Not exactly how I wanted to take you to bed for the first time,” Darren mutters, “but I guess I don’t have a choice. I do have to say that you look pretty damn cute there, though.”

“You--You’re amazing,” Chris manages and he vaguely registers that his shoes are off now.

“Aw, shucks. Don’t even mention it. You can pay me back later. I’m sure I’ll think of something.” Darren grins lewdly and rubs Chris’ hair.

Chris sighs as Darren still hovers over him.

“Why? Why do you have to be so perfect?” Chris laments out loud. “I don’t do dating, not anymore. Not after—But here you are with your charming smile and your good manners, taking care of me when we hardly even know each other. I gave up. I was done. And now I don’t hate Christmas. What have you done to me, Darren Criss?”

“Well, I’m hardly perfect but thanks for the compliment. Most of the time, I’m just trying not to be an asshole. I have a lot to make up for, but that’s another conversation we should have when we’re both sober. Maybe you should sleep it off.” Darren cards through Chris’ hair and kisses his forehead. “I’m glad I’m making you enjoy Christmas again at least.”

“Yeah, it’s all your fault that I’m drunk and happy and not giving up on men completely.” Chris huffs.

“That’s good news for me. I, um, I don’t want to keep my guests hanging but I kinda don’t want to leave you here either, especially since you’re being so sweet. Guess you lose your edge when you’re drunk.”

Chris wants to deny it but he’s pretty sure that Darren is right. “Maybe I do. So why don’t you take advantage of it?”

“Chris, I already said—”

“Just, stay with me? Please.”

Darren studies him in consideration for a minute but then walks across the room to shut the light off and close the door. “Fine, but if everyone razzes me later, I’m blaming you.”

“Something tells me that it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been razzed by them.” Chris chuckles as Darren kicks his shoes off and finds his way back to bed in the dark.

Darren shrugs before climbing in and lying on his side next to Chris. “Whatever. I’ll just tell them I’m getting laid then. That wouldn’t be the first time either.” 

“Oh, really?” Chris wonders, wrapping his arm around Darren’s tiny waist. “You’re a terrible host and a terrible friend.”

“Maybe, but I can be a good boyfriend if you let me. That’s where this is going, isn't it? You and me.” Darren mumbles as he cuddles into Chris’ chest.

Chris rubs Darren’s back, his confidence blooming since Darren can’t see him. “Darren, you’re undeniable. You have been from the moment I saw you. It’s just—This is going to be difficult for me. There’s so much you don’t know.”

“Same here. But we have so much time for that, babe, if that’s what you really want.”

Darren looks up at him. 

“I-Yeah. I think I might,” Chris answers.

Darren blinks up at him, his long eyelashes framing his face so beautifully. “Good.” He cups Chris’ cheek and scoots up to give him a quick peck. “How about we sleep on that?”

Chris nods as Darren lies back down. Suddenly he thinks about all the harsh truths that he’ll have to admit to Darren if he wants this to work out, including that he’s still hurting and afraid to love someone if he’ll be abandoned again. He can see the end even as it’s beginning, despite the lack of evidence for Darren repeating what his ex had done. However, Chris just knows that if Darren breaks him, it would be a long way back to feeling okay again. 

He knows he can survive on his own if he needs to. But with the warmth of Darren surrounding him as he drifts off, somehow he doesn’t think he’ll want to.

\----

Chris realizes he might not have to go it alone because when he comes to, there are arms tight around his waist and someone mumbling his name.

“Mmm, Chris.”

He recognizes Darren’s voice, punctuated with a press against Chris’ ass.

Chris’ eyebrows draw together. “Darren?” He tries but gets no immediate reply except another choppy movement of Darren’s hips.

“Yeah, feels so good,” Darren finally answers, his lips brushing the back of Chris’ neck.

Chris carefully spins to face Darren, still in his embrace, and discovers that Darren’s eyes are closed. Chris sighs, wondering if he should stop this and make an awkward situation even more awkward.

He also wonders what exactly Darren is fantasizing about and if it’s anything like the dreams he’s had about Darren in the past. After he watched Darren as Harry Potter so many years ago, he spent countless hours with a bottle of lotion and his own hand, his mind straying to what Darren would do to him if they were in a position not too much different from this. Darren would give him that trademark grin that Chris is now personally familiar with before Darren stripped him of his clothes, marveling at every inch of skin. Then Darren would strip his own shirt off, revealing his gorgeous golden torso, and he’d step out of his boxers, his erection springing free. They would grind together, their bare cocks creating delicious friction until Chris craved more. Darren’s lube-coated fingers would wrap around their cocks after that. Chris embarrassingly reached his release and came back to himself then, finding that he spilled all over his hand.

Back in reality, he’s achingly hard as Darren moans. It doesn’t help Chris at all when he glances down to Darren’s also very real erection bulging in his jeans. Chris could turn around and go back to sleep, or he could head to the bathroom and take care of himself, while thinking of Darren, as he had done so many times before in his youth. Or he could do the honorable thing and wake up the literal guy of his dreams, who he’s only been on two dates with and hasn’t even been intimate with yet. It is Darren’s bed, after all, and if they do get to the orgasm stage, he’d like Darren to remember their first time.

“God, you’re so fucking hot,” Darren exclaims, his eyes still closed. “Wanna--fuck.”

Chris squirms, battling his urge not to touch himself but still curious as to where this is going. So he waits a few moments until Darren reaches down, grabbing his own crotch.

“Unhh,” Darren groans, rubbing himself.

Chris shakes Darren’s shoulder, trying to jostle him out of his slumber. “Darren?” He shakes him and calls Darren’s name again and then again.

“C’mon, Dare!”

“Wha--? Huh?” Darren cries out, his eyes flying open. His eyebrows furrow in confusion and those bright golden eyes flicker across Chris’ face. Then he looks down between them. “Shit. I, um, I’m sorry, man. I could, um, I could go and—”

Chris clutches Darren’s hand that’s on his crotch. “Or we could talk. This is your place. You shouldn’t have to leave.” He smirks at Darren. “Besides you’ve made it clear how cute you think I am, especially now.”

“That’s true.” One side of Darren’s mouth turns upward. “I’d be kind of an idiot for leaving you alone in my bed, unless I made you uncomfortable. I mean, I know we haven’t, uh...”

“We haven’t, which is why I stopped you, but I am open to the possibilities.” Chris picks up Darren’s hand and kisses it.

“Ooh, what’s gotten into you this morning?”

“Maybe I’m still drunk from last night, or maybe I just want to kiss you again.”

“Well, I’m not against that.” 

Darren leans in and sweetly presses his lips to Chris’ own, a harsh contrast to whatever he was dreaming about. But Chris isn’t about to complain; instead, he deepens the kiss as he lets go of Darren’s hand and curls his own hand around Darren’s hip. Darren moves closer, slipping his tongue into Chris’ mouth and nudging his knee between Chris’ legs. Suddenly Chris is all too aware of his own arousal but he ignores it in favor of sneaking his thumb under Darren’s shirt and rubbing his hipbone. Darren brings his leg up a little, right against Chris’ cock. The pressure only makes Chris want more so he pushes Darren’s shirt up a bit, his fingers meeting warm, bare skin and scratching against the hair near the waistband of his jeans. Darren breaks away for a second to nip Chris’ bottom lip and cup his jaw. Darren’s leg moves again and Chris feels a wet spot forming in his boxers, the telltale signs of precome and getting close. Chris breathes out and squeezes Darren’s side.

“Mmm.” Darren swallows. “What? What is it? You okay?” He asks, his voice gruff and deeper than normal.

“Um. Yeah. A little too okay,” Chris remarks as Darren caresses his jaw. “I, uh, it’s been awhile since I, um, since I’ve been this close to anyone.”

“Me too, but you seemed to be enjoying it, babe.”

“I was, but I don’t-I don’t want to rush it. We have a lot of things to talk about.”

“You keep saying that.” Darren dislodges his leg from between Chris’ and pulls back enough so Chris can see his face. His eyes are still hazy with lust but concern lingers there as well. “So what’s on your mind?”

He’s not sure what to bring up: how he’s still getting over a rough breakup, how he’s in Darren’s bed after only two dates when that’s not his usual style, or how Darren was basically his teenage wet dream. He settles on saving the serious topics for later and bringing up the last one, hoping Darren won’t freak out on him for it.

“I kind of have a crazy confession,” Chris starts. “You know how I watched those Harry Potter musicals that you did back in college?”

“Uh huh.” Darren chuckles, his hand sliding down to the base of Chris’ neck. 

Chris blushes, his face growing hot. “I may have had a slight crush on you back then.” 

A grin plays on Darren’s face, his eyes lighting up. “Oh, yeah? Gee, thanks.” 

“Mhmm. And, um, being a teenager, I kind of had a tangle of thoughts and feelings about you, not all of them so innocent.”

Darren laughs out loud. “Aww, did you—Are you saying that you thought about me when you jerked off?”

Chris averts his eyes and nods. “Yeah, but I, uh, I obviously didn’t know that—”

“That your dreams would come true?” Darren finishes, his tone laced with amusement.

“Don’t make fun of me. I was a senior in high school and my hormones were raging. You know what that’s like.”

“I do, and I’m not making fun of you. I just think that you got really lucky and so did I.”

“Wait, what? You don’t think I’m some insane fan who’s going to spill all of this to the Internet later?”

“You don’t strike me as that type of guy. You weren’t exactly eager to talk to me when we met. I had to make the first move and even then, it took you a full three days to respond, which is why I’m lucky that you did.”

“I guess you are.”

“Yeah, I am, because you’re really hot and I bet you were incredibly cute back in the day. But what matters is that I get to make out with you now, if you’re still down.”

“Of course, if you’re over the fact that I used to think about you before we met and I didn’t realize it until after we got to know each other.”

“I don’t think it’s that creepy, if that’s what you mean. It’s kind of flattering, actually, that you got off thinking about me.” Darren’s hand falls to Chris’ shoulder and he kisses the corner of Chris’ jaw. “I’d be kind of a hypocrite, given how you woke me up today.”

“Very true. Can you tell me more about that, if you remember?” 

Darren’s lips drags across Chris’ jaw before he answers, “See, I’d much rather show you but since you’re so keen on going slow, maybe we should wait. Besides, I don’t want to give your inner teenager a meltdown.”

Chris huffs, softly punching Darren’s upper arm. “You won’t let up on that, will you?”

“Nope, because it’s hilarious and you’re adorable when you’re angry.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” Darren shoots back.

Chris slowly moves forward, their mouths only a breath away from touching. Darren inhales sharply. Chris licks his lips and digs his fingers into Darren’s bicep, ready to close the gap between them when there’s a loud knock on the door.

“Hey, man!” A voice calls from the other side. “Are you done getting some so we can grab some breakfast?”

“Damn it,” Darren curses quietly. “It’s Joey, right on fucking cue.”

“I’ll be out in a sec,” Darren yells back. “We can figure it out then.”

“Fine. Just be decent when you open the door.”

“I make no promises,” Darren returns before he addresses Chris again. “Sorry. Wasn’t sure who’d crash here last night. I guess that included Joey.”

“It’s alright, as long as you take me to breakfast. Maybe we can pick up where we left off later.”

“You’re on.” Darren smiles. “As long as you haven’t fanboyed over Joey the way you have over me.”

“I’ll never tell. You’re not the only cute one in Starkid,” Chris teases and kisses him on the cheek.

“You’re not exactly wrong there.”

“But you are the cutest.”

“I’ll take it. Hopefully you won’t change your mind because I’m inviting everyone who’s in town to come hang out for breakfast, if that’s cool.”

“I can’t wait.”

There’s another tap on the door but Darren grabs his face and kisses him soundly on the mouth before he gets up and goes to his dresser. He opens and closes a few drawers and Chris watches, remembering what it’s like to wake up with someone and witness their morning routine. Chris’ heart clenches as Darren turns around, with clothes in his hand and a soft grin. Chris thinks he could get used to this.

“Good. This’ll definitely be a good morning,” Darren replies and then raises his eyebrows suggestively. “After I shower and take care of some stuff.”

“Right.” Chris winks. 

Darren opens the door and takes off toward the bathroom, leaving Chris alone with his thoughts. Chris hasn’t run away despite his fears and Darren hasn’t run either, despite Chris’ embarrassing admission.

This could be the start of something good.

\----

Two mimosas into brunch and Chris is feeling warm at Darren’s side in the restaurant, even if the temperature outside is dipping dangerously low.

Joey does an impression of Darren and mimes holding a guitar. His dark brown eyes match Darren’s own hazel ones in their eagerness.

“Hey, guys,” Joey starts from his spot on the other side of Darren, raising his voice higher in pitch. “I have the perfect song. This is the last one, I promise.”

“And then he plays twenty more,” Lauren says with a groan from where she sits next to Chris, looking pointedly at him. “If you’re wondering where the ‘douchebag with a guitar’ line came from in the Potter show, that would be the origin story.”

Chris cackles as he glances over at Darren, whose cheeks are flushed an adorable pink.

“Glad I’m getting all the inside info straight from the sources,” Chris tells both Joey and Lauren.

“Oh, there’s more where that came from,” Joe Walker adds from across the table, next to Joey.

“Thanks so much, guys. Really,” Darren replies sarcastically, ducking his head. “You’re the best friends a guy could ask for.”

Joey flashes Darren a quick thumbs up while Lauren chimes, “You know you love us. But enough about how awesome we are. You never really explained last night how you met this one over here.” She tilts her head toward Chris but addresses Darren.

“Well, the music and the acting hasn’t quite paid the bills lately.” Darren coughs before he takes a sip of water and swallows. “So for the past couple of months, I’ve been working in this pop up store that sells Christmas stuff.”

“Are you playing an elf?” Joe wonders. “How do you reach the high shelves?”

Darren glares at him but his grin betrays his true tone. “With a ladder,” he answers proudly. “And no, I’m just an associate. But I do wear these cool Christmas-y hats sometimes.”

“And they probably make you look like an elf,” Joey reasons.

“Anyway,” Darren continues through his friends’ laughter, “I literally ran into Chris there about a week ago. He needed lights for his tree and I was happy to provide them.”

“Did he provide a few other things to you too, Chris?” Lauren suggests with a wink.

Chris’ eyes go wide but he stammers out a response. “I, um--Then we went out on a date a few days later. Ice skating in Bryant Park. It was nice.”

“Aww,” Lauren coos. “You turned on the charm, didn’t you, Darebear? You pulled out all the stops.”

Darren preens. “I’m making him like Christmas again.”

“Darren!” Chris chides.

Darren shrugs. “What? It’s true.” 

“You don’t like Christmas? What the hell were you doing in a Christmas store?” Joe questions.

“It’s a long story,” Chris declares curtly and looks over at Darren, not wanting to delve into any further detail when he hasn’t even fully explained it to Darren yet. Instead, he looks toward the rest of the group. “So do any of you have any more stories about Darren that I should know?”

“Oh, we have plenty,” Lauren says. “That time during senior year. It was the first time we all saw you since Italy. Well, all of us except for Julia, who was, uh--”

“Lo!” Darren interrupts, practically yelling. “I don’t think he needs to hear that story. Why would you even bring it up?” 

“How do you know what I was going to say?” Lauren counters.

“When you start it off like that, I have a pretty good idea,” Darren responds, sitting straight up and leaning away from Chris. “This isn’t exactly the time or the place for that.”

Chris’ heart drops and he studies Darren’s stoic expression, wondering what could have bothered him so much about Lauren’s story that would cause him to react like this. He thinks he should definitely ask about it later when they’re not in front of Darren’s friends. But there may be one safe topic in Lauren’s statement that Chris is curious about.

“Is it the time or the place to bring up Italy? What happened there?” Chris asks.

“No, that’s okay. I actually studied abroad there. I minored in Italian and studied _commedia dell’ arte,_ this old form of theatre that originated there. Theatre was my major,” Darren remarks.

Chris raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh, wow. That’s really cool. Do you still know any of the language?”

Darren squints his eyes, no doubt trying to remember before he speaks. _“Ciao! Mi chiamo_ Darren. _Come stai?”_

If Chris were standing up, his knees would probably go weak at Darren’s words. “That’s, um, that’s impressive.”

Darren grins at Chris. “Thanks. I dabble in a few languages here and there but Italian is one that I’m more skilled at than others.” 

“I’m sure he showed you what else he was skilled at last night,” Lauren breaks in.

Chris blushes while Darren sticks his tongue out at Lauren.

“Am I wrong?” Lauren teases.

Darren opens his mouth to retort but the server arrives with their food, the clinking of the plates temporarily distracting everyone.

Darren takes that time to put a hand on Chris’ knee and whispers in his ear. “Thank you for changing the subject. I promise I’ll tell you the other important shit later.”

Chris nods and gulps, his stomach twisting at what Darren could be hiding. Still, he picks up his fork and knife and digs into his French toast. After he swallows, he whispers back, “Blame your world traveling youth. It was a good diversion.”

“What are you two talking about?” Lauren interjects yet again. “All the kinky stuff that Darren learned in Italy?”

Darren smirks and gazes at Chris. “Maybe. We just met but I want to keep him on his toes.”

Chris’ heart somersaults in his chest while he vaguely registers Joe and Joey grimacing.

“C’mon. You know you’ve thought about it, my dear Joseph,” Darren teases Joey, poking his side. “We lived together long enough in college.”

Joey takes a bite of his omelette and shakes his head before he shoots Darren down. “Which is exactly why I’ve seen too much already.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s a story there that I’d like to hear,” Chris says and then laughs.

Joey starts to bring up what Chris thinks could be some juicy tidbit about the past. But then Chris gets lost in thought at how Darren’s eyes sparkle and his whole body relaxes as he banters with his old friends.

He likes Darren so much more than he realized. They have such an easy rapport already, which carries over to the bedroom if this morning was any indication. He can’t wait to explore that a little more. He also can’t wait to figure out what makes Darren tick: what he likes and dislikes, if he can cook, if he prefers cats or dogs, and what he really learned in Italy. A thrill runs through Chris at all of these musings because it brings the very real possibility that he does want this new thing between them to head somewhere. 

He stares as Darren guffaws at something Joe said. At that, Chris feels so comfortable here. But the last time he felt this, the relationship ended in disaster. A slight sense of dread keeps him wary that this could turn out exactly the same. 

So he’s hoping that whatever secret Darren is keeping isn’t going to drive him back to being single and spending Christmas alone, his well-lit tree a striking reminder of his latest failure.

\----

As a result, he ignores Darren’s minor outburst about Julia in favor of going back to Darren’s place and making out with him on the couch. That is, of course, after Darren hugs all of his friends farewell and wishes them a safe flight back to Chicago. Chris offers similar sentiments with a shy wave and a smile.

Over the next week, he sees Darren three more times and they spend a lot of it getting more physically acquainted. Darren starts to learn about Chris’ body, where to kiss and touch to make him almost instantly hard, and Chris learns the same about Darren (Chris particularly enjoys scratching at the trail of hair right below Darren’s belly button). 

In between all of this, they have cheap takeout, watch movies, and talk about so many topics. They share the easy stuff first and find out that they sync up on a lot of pop culture interests. This leads to discussions on which Harry Potter film was the most similar to the books, how they feel about Disney taking over the Star Wars franchise, and who their favorite Ninja Turtles are. Darren steals bites of Chris’ lo mein when they order Chinese but Chris doesn’t mind because he tastes the hint of soy sauce on Darren’s lips when they kiss afterwards.

Despite all this, they don’t have sex. Chris really wants to and he knows Darren does too, but he’s not sure his heart can handle it if that’s all Darren’s after. But also if they get more intimate and it doesn’t fizzle out from there, Chris will have to come clean about his broken past. He’ll have to spill all the details of his last relationship, including the pain that still lurks inside him, even if it’s dulling when he’s near Darren.

In the few days that follow these casual dates, Chris is even well enough to finish a chapter of his book and sing in the shower to a Christmas playlist that Darren curated for him. He rolls his eyes at his own cheeriness as he washes the shampoo out of his hair. But he smiles at how much Darren has changed his life for the better already.

He’s off to see Darren again, wondering if it’s too soon to consider buying him a gift for Christmas to show what he’s meant to him even in this short time. What’s an appropriate gift for his more than a crush but not quite official boyfriend? What if he spends too much money on it? What if Darren doesn’t think they’re serious enough yet and gets him nothing? All these thoughts run through his head as he presses the button to be let into Darren’s building. He rings it several times with no answer and almost turns to leave, worried that his doubts about Darren’s feelings are true. But then Darren’s voice blares through the speaker. 

“Oh, um, hey!” He answers with a sniffle, feigning happiness in the tone that Chris thinks he probably uses on tough customers at the Christmas store. “Who is it?”

“It’s Chris. You told me to come over around six so I’m here.”

“Chris! Come on up!” He urges, a little more upbeat than before.

“You sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything,” he says fondly. “I’ll see you in a bit, babe.”

Chris’ mind wanders again while he makes the trek up the three flights of stairs to Darren’s apartment. Darren seems to perk up as soon as he knows who it is but Chris can’t deny that Darren’s usual brightness is a bit dimmed. He instantly wonders what could be wrong and how he can make it better.

When he knocks on the door, Darren opens it immediately; he’s as gorgeous as ever in grey sweatpants, a faded blue and maize-colored Michigan t-shirt, and big, black-framed glasses. His hair looks tousled as if he just got out of bed but his eyes are bloodshot and there are dark circles under them. Still, he smiles at Chris and greets him with a long, tight embrace and a quick kiss on the mouth.

“Hello, dear Christopher. Long time, no see.” He laughs but it sounds hollow.

“Are you okay?” Chris asks when he pulls back to look at Darren’s face.

“Better now that you’re here. We can pig out on sushi and watch Harry Potter movies all night. Or, y’know, not watch them.” Darren raises his eyebrows and pointedly glances down at Chris’ mouth.

Chris blushes. “I-I’d like that but are you sure you’re okay?”

Darren shrugs and lets go of Chris but still holds onto one of his hands. “I’m a bit bummed but we can talk about that later. You should come in first. Take your coat off and relax.”

Though Chris is still curious about what has Darren so down, he’s thankful that Darren isn’t covering up his feelings; it’s a good sign that Darren wants this to go further and isn’t in it solely for sex, unless he brought Chris over to let him down gently after they hook up. Chris breathes out in an attempt to relax and stop fearing the worst.

Darren brings him over to the couch and helps him out of his coat, throwing it into the chair near them. Then he sits down with him, oblivious to Chris’ inner turmoil. After that, he bounces back up nervously and asks Chris if he wants anything to drink. Chris nods and tells him he wants water, watching as Darren takes the short walk across the living room to the small kitchen. After that he pours Chris a glass, sits back down, and calls for takeout.

“So, which Harry Potter do you want to start with?” Darren questions, still holding his phone. “Innocent, young Harry, or old, weathered Harry who’s about to face off with He Who Shall Not Be Named for the final time? We should figure it out before the food gets here.”

Chris’ eyes flicker across Darren’s face, trying to read what’s on Darren’s mind. Still, he sets his drink down on the end table next to him and answers Darren first. 

“We should probably start in chronological order but, um, are you going to tell me what’s wrong? If you want to stop seeing me, then you don’t have to keep up the pretense of hanging out with me. If you just wanted a hookup, then I can—”

“What? No!” Darren interrupts him and throws his phone down onto the coffee table in front of them. Then he scoots closer before laying a hand on Chris’ knee. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. Why would you think that that’s all I want, Chris?”

“Well, because I know we haven’t had sex yet but I don’t know if I’m ready for that. And if you want more, I’m—”

Darren’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit, are you a virgin? I mean, I won’t judge you if you are. That’s totally okay. But is that why you’ve been putting the brakes on?”

“No, not at all.” Chris shakes his head and looks down. “I’m not a virgin. I, um, I just--I’ve had a rough few months and you’re the first guy I’ve even thought of being with since my ex left. I really like you and I don’t--Like I said before, I don’t want to rush it.”

It all tumbles out, despite Chris’ efforts to restrain himself and spare Darren the details until they became serious. He sighs in relief at telling Darren part of his past and hopes that it won’t affect their future, even if he still doesn’t know what’s been bothering Darren all night.

Darren squeezes Chris’ knee sympathetically. “Chris, it’s alright. I like what we’ve done so far and we can go at your pace. We’re both in this. What you want to do is completely up to you. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way. You are so hot and I really, really enjoy kissing you and touching you.” His fingers slowly dance along the outside of Chris’ thigh. “But I like hanging out with you and talking about stuff just as much. I want to be with you, in every way that counts and if that means waiting, then I’m cool with it.”

Chris relaxes at Darren’s patience with their situation. Knowing that Darren will wait makes him want to accept Darren into his life in a way that he hasn’t done with anyone since his ex abandoned him with almost no warning. Maybe he can open up his body to Darren eventually as well as his heart.

“Thank you,” Chris finally responds. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”

“It’s not a problem, really. It’s called showing you some respect. I don’t know what your ex did, but whatever it was, he obviously didn’t have too much of it for you. He must have been a real dick.”

Chris chuckles. “Yeah. He’s part of the reason I couldn’t stand Christmas.”

“Wow, he’s definitely a dick then. Glad I could change your feelings on that.”

“I’m warming up on my stance towards Christmas because of you, yes. Is that what you want to hear?”

“As someone who works at a seasonal shop, sure, that’s great, but as a dude that likes you, absolutely. I enjoy warming you up however I can.” Darren winks. “But seriously, Christmas is supposed to make you feel good and I want to do that for you, Chris. Because from what I can tell, you deserve it.”

Chris gulps, wondering how a guy who looked like he was falling apart when Chris arrived could be the one comforting him, especially after he accused Darren of wanting to dump him. Darren deserves to feel good, too, after all that, so Chris resolves to find out what is going on with him, once and for all.

Chris smiles at him and grabs the hand that was on his thigh, poised to ask Darren what’s bugging him. Darren smiles back, all other notions lost when Darren leans in, licks his lips, and stares down at Chris’ mouth. Chris inhales, suddenly wanting more than their brief hello kiss from earlier. Darren breathes out, his free hand cupping Chris’ cheek. Darren is so close that Chris can make out the day-old stubble dotting Darren’s jaw. He’ll endure that scratchy feeling against his skin if it means getting even closer to Darren. So he moves in a little more. But then the moment is broken with the buzzer sounding, signaling a visitor.

“Damn it,” Darren curses. “Must be our food. Guess I should get that.”

Chris groans quietly. “Yeah, you probably should.”

Darren rests his forehead against Chris’ and brushes their lips together. “We’re picking this up later, though.”

“Mmm, I’d like that.”

“Good.” 

Darren pecks him on the mouth all too abruptly before he gets up to answer the ringing buzzer and assure the delivery man that he’s on his way.

“You need help?” Chris offers as Darren opens the door, ready to head downstairs.

“Nah, I got it. You keep your pretty little self right there. Feel free to make yourself at home and pick some other movie if you want. Or don’t. I’m just fine with making out.” Darren grins and then runs out the door.

Chris laughs out loud and does indeed make himself more comfortable, taking his shoes off while Darren is gone and contemplating whether or not they’ll actually watch a movie, or if they’ll talk and kiss some more between bites of sushi. He’s leaning towards the latter, but he still wants to be careful with his intimacy. He doesn’t want making out to lead to more than that. He’d like to keep resisting as much as he can and to save their first time having sex for another occasion. He wants to be fully ready and he wants it to be perfect. 

Although he’s not a virgin, his first time with Darren will mean much more than the instant gratification of an orgasm; it will mean unlocking a piece of himself that was hidden for a long time and giving Darren the key to it. He’s fairly certain that Darren will hold onto that and keep it safe. Suddenly Chris realizes that he, himself, is the perfect gift to give Darren for Christmas, if he’s ready by then.

When Darren returns, two takeout bags in hand, and the brightest smile on his face, Chris thinks he could be.

But he files the idea away for now in favor of helping Darren bring the food over to the couch and asking him what’s happening with him.

“So, now that we cleared up what’s bothering me, can you tell me what was up when I came in before?” Chris asks, searching for chopsticks in one of the paper bags as Darren sits beside him once more.

“Yeah, um, sure. It had nothing to do with you, babe.” Darren pulls a plastic container out and opens it up. Then he picks up a piece of sushi with his own chopsticks. “It’s, um, I’m just a bit discouraged because I got turned down at another audition. It fucking sucks.”

“That’s ridiculous. You’re one of the most talented people I know, aside from Lauren, of course.” Chris laughs as he uses the chopsticks he found to steal a piece of California roll from the container that Darren is eating from.

“Gee, thanks, Chris. You’re the best,” he states flatly after he swallows his food.

Chris gobbles down his sushi as well. “No problem. She’s a real scene stealer, you know.”

“Maybe you should go on a date with her then.”

“Maybe I will. She seems pretty great,” Chris teases. “Plus she has all the dirt on you.”

“Oh, so you’d be using her to get back to me?”

“Mhmm. She’s not exactly my type.”

“But I am?” Darren wonders with a smirk.

Chris takes another piece of Darren’s sushi and then eats it, pretending to consider the question before he answers. “I guess you are.”

Darren taps Chris on the nose with his chopsticks. “I knew it!”

“Meh, you’re not bad most of the time,” Chris remarks dryly but goes for inspiring after that. “You’re a great guy and a great actor. Something will come along. I know it. You’re bound to take over a stage or a screen sooner rather than later. You totally deserve it.”

Darren blinks at him for a moment, his mouth falling slightly open as he stares. A fond, private smile forms, one that Chris has never seen before. It warms Chris’ heart, knowing that it’s only for him. “Thank you. I-I’m glad you have so much faith in me.”

“I’ve seen you in action. It comes from experience. I have no doubt.”

Chris also doesn’t have any doubts about moving forward with Darren, now that he knows where they stand. He wants Darren in his life for Christmas and beyond. So he’s even more sure about what he’s going to give Darren, if he can hold out for that long.

Once they finish eating, turn off the lights, and queue up “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” on Darren’s television, Darren gets closer, stretching out on the couch while Chris does the same behind him. Darren slides down, his ass fitting snugly against Chris’ groin. Chris cards his fingers through Darren’s curls while Darren hums an unfamiliar melody. Chris tries to think about whether or not Darren wrote it or what Darren’s patronus would be rather than how good it would feel to roll his hips and create more friction. For his part, Darren presses his lower half against Chris, who groans and stops his ministrations.

“Is that okay, babe?” Darren checks without looking behind him.

“That--That’s nice. But I--I don’t want to--Not yet.”

“Sure. Whatever you want. No pressure.” Darren moves forward, leaving space between them. “We don’t have to do anything. We can just watch everyone get sorted by the ever-so-powerful Sorting Hat.”

“Alright,” Chris agrees, sits up a little, and stares at the screen as the students go up to the front of the room one by one and listen to the Sorting Hat’s decree on where to place each of them. But his eyes flicker down to Darren’s profile, from the slight bump in his nose right below his eyes to his full lips, and the glow of his skin in the low light. He knows what those lips taste like, how that jaw feels under his touch while they kiss, and if he trails his fingers down to the hem of Darren’s shirt, he can get to more of that warm, bare skin. But he won’t, at least not yet. For now, he lets his fingers wander down Darren’s face, along his jawline and neck, knowing he’ll go further soon enough. 

The bottom of Darren’s socked foot runs along Chris’ shin in response, apparently content enough with this simple gesture not to try anything else. However, after a few more long, lazy touches where Chris brushes his fingers down Darren’s sides, Darren spins around to face him.

“Ready to pick up where we left off before?” Darren wonders.

Chris nods. “I never thought I’d say this but screw Harry Potter.”

“In any other situation, I would disapprove but right now, I’m totally down for that.”

Chris slinks down to meet him. “As long as you’re still okay with going slow.”

“I want whatever you want because you’re worth waiting for.” Darren curls a hand around Chris’ side and rubs his thumb along Chris’ hip. “So how about we set some boundaries?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Is what I’m doing right now okay?”

“Yeah, we’ve done this before.”

“I know. How about this?” Darren nudges Chris’ shirt up with his hand, leaving a strip of exposed skin.

“Uh huh.”

Darren pushes Chris’ shirt up a little more and moves himself a little closer. Then he ghosts his lips low on Chris’ neck, where a raised scar lies. “How about that?”

“Mmm. We’ve--we’ve done this before too.”

Darren sucks at the spot for a few moments and then kisses up Chris’ neck before whispering, “Doesn’t hurt to check, right? It’s important to be clear.”

“Yeah, you--you’re right,” Chris affirms as Darren kisses along his jaw. “Communication is good.”

“Kissing is, too,” Darren murmurs against Chris’ mouth.

“With you, better than good.”

“That’s a terrible description. You’re not very.” Darren pauses to kiss Chris on the lips and then he speaks again. “Eloquent, for a writer.”

“That’s your fault.” “Sorry?” He says almost like a question but there’s a hint of playfulness in his voice as if he knows exactly what he’s doing.

“You’re not sorry at all.” Chris smiles.

“Not one bit but I’m not very good with words when it comes to you either, so I’m glad I could level the playing field.” Darren licks his lips and kisses the corner of Chris’ mouth. “I’d like to level it a little more, if that’s cool.”

“I’m--Yeah, yes. Just stop talking and kiss me already.”

Darren obliges him, the movie long forgotten as they kiss the night away, tangled up in each other. Their hands wander but not below the waist, Darren respecting Chris’ decision to take things slow, even if Chris’ arousal is telling him to do the opposite. He catches Darren’s flushed face and the flutter of his eyelashes behind his glasses and he almost gives in, but he remembers how Darren said it’ll be worth the wait. He feels exactly the same way. So when the end credits of the movie blare, jolting them back to the world, Chris kisses Darren’s forehead and says that he should go.

But Darren pouts at him with those lips and those bright golden eyes, begging him to stay and at least cuddle a longer. Chris can’t resist so Darren turns quickly to shut off the movie and they lay on the couch with Darren’s head nestled against Chris’ chest for hours. Darren taps his fingers against Chris’ arm and Chris swears it’s the same beat as the one Darren hummed earlier. He doesn’t ask though, instead enjoying the near quiet surrounding them so much that his eyes fall shut.

Darren wakes him by tapping a foot against one of Chris’ ankles. “Hey, sleepyhead.”

“What? Wasn’t sleeping,” Chris assures him.

“Sure.” Darren chuckles. “Want to stay over? No funny business, I swear, unless you’re into that.”

“I, um, I better go,” Chris reiterates his earlier sentiment, wanting to stay true to his plans for Darren’s Christmas present. He trusts Darren, but not himself.

“Aww, but it’s so comfy here. You know, my bed’s even comfier.”

“I do, but I really should get home.”

Darren sighs and looks up at him. “My bed will miss you, then.”

“It’ll just have to wait.”

Darren cups Chris’ jaw. “I’ll miss you too, babe.”

“I feel the same way.” 

That smile from earlier appears on Darren’s face again and Chris’ heart swells with joy, adoration, and maybe a feeling that he can’t quite name yet.

“Good,” Darren answers, pulling him in for a long, slow kiss that makes Chris’ toes curl in his socks and almost reconsider delaying his gift. But he pinches Darren’s side when they part, urging him to move.

Darren groans. “Alright. Fine. I’ll get up, but only so I can check out your ass while I watch you get ready to go.”

Chris climbs over him and stands up, searching the floor for his shoes. He looks over his shoulder back at Darren. “Is this enough for you?”

“Enough of you? Never.”

Chris bends over to check under the coffee table and finally locates them. Then he gets up off the floor and parks himself on the arm of the couch to put his shoes on.

Chris blushes but flirts anyway and tells him, “The free show will have to do for now.”

“I’ll take it.” Darren agrees while he sits up. 

There’s a crease on Darren’s face from leaning against Chris’ shirt, his glasses are askew, and his hair is adorably rumpled. He looks even more beautiful than when Chris arrived, so Chris leans down to kiss him once more.

Chris squeezes Darren’s shoulder and holds onto him, not wanting to say goodbye. “I had a nice time. Thank you again for everything.”

“Don’t mention it. The pleasure’s all mine. Get home safe, okay?” He adds with a hint of concern.

“I’ll text you when I get there. Good night, Darren.”

“‘Kay. Cool. Night, Chris.”

He reluctantly lets go and puts on his coat, filled with longing as he walks back down the stairs and into the biting December air of the city. He’ll go home and get off remembering Darren’s touch on his skin and the taste of his mouth against his own. Thinking of Darren will have to be enough as it has in the past. This time, however, there’s the promise of much more lingering in the near future. 

He also knows that Darren reciprocates his feelings and will be patient in giving him the time he needs to adjust to being intimate with another person. Although he is probably ready after Darren’s reassurances tonight, he’ll endure a couple of more weeks to give them both the perfect present for their budding relationship. 

\----

But first, Chris needs a plan so that his offering isn’t too cheesy or cliché. He doesn’t think Darren will turn him down in any case. Still, he doesn’t want the night to feel like a contrived romance novel, or worse, a porno where he’s lying on his bed in a Santa hat thong with a red ribbon taped to his chest. In getting to know Darren, Chris realizes that Darren might get a kick out of that; maybe he would do it if it were him. Chris wants their first time to be much more sentimental than that while not forcing the moment as well.

He thinks that maybe he could attempt making dinner at his place the Friday before Christmas (he can kick Lea out for the night while she hangs out with the guy she just started seeing). This could be a date where he gives Darren a proper send off before he heads to San Francisco with Chuck, his sister-in-law and his niece to see his and Chuck’s parents for a few days. It’s a solid plan, Chris thinks, but he’ll also get Darren an actual present to throw any suspicion off.

It needs to be something music-related since Darren has seemed so down about his acting prospects lately. For days after that date with Darren, he scours the Internet, unsure of what the gift should be, until one afternoon, he passes by a jewelry shop in the Village and sees it in the window: a jade-colored charm resembling the shape of a guitar pick on a brown leather chain necklace. It looks homemade and a bit rustic and definitely very Darren. The artisan who made it runs the store and gives him the option to add a charm with an inscription on it. He chooses a round bronze one and tells him to put the words “Love, Chris,” on it although he’s never said anything like that out loud to Darren. He definitely feels that way and when Chris gives it to him, he’ll show it as well. He just hopes it’ll be enough.

He only sees Darren twice after that within the week leading up to the dinner date because the store has been busy in the final push to Christmas. It gives Chris time to write but also to obsess over his decision. Should he have just had sex with Darren by now and not denied himself? Is he putting in too much effort for a relationship that doesn’t have a label on it, even if it is heading that way? What if it still ends in heartbreak?

These questions remain in his head, especially on the afternoon of their date, when Chris is scrambling around his apartment, first cleaning up every single room and then showering and debating what to wear. He holds up several outfits in front of his full-length mirror and decides on black skinny jeans that compliment his ass and a light blue dress shirt that complement his eyes, clearly not a holiday look. But then he realizes he should add something that nods to how they met. He sneaks into his old guest room that has become Lea’s room and finds an elf hat with thick stripes of red and green sitting on her dresser. She’s not there so he puts it on and vows to never let her know that his former Grinch-like personality has transformed to where he now wears elf hats, thanks to Darren. He supposes he should thank Lea too, for inadvertently introducing him to Darren. Perhaps he’ll text her later if he’s not too busy. 

But for now he realizes he should start preparing dinner, a simple dish of spaghetti and meatballs. As he takes a pot out of his cupboard and puts it on the stove to start making the tomato sauce, he can’t remember the last time he actually looked at a recipe and tried to cook a meal without a microwave. He’s eaten meals with Lea occasionally since she moved in but more often than not, she’s home late from singing gigs, performing her latest off-Broadway role, or out on a date with her guy of the moment. As a result, before Darren came into his life, he’s mostly eaten alone, not wanting to go out into the city to see any other friends or be around people. He didn’t want to risk seeing happy couples holding hands as they walked down the street or sharing a romantic dinner while they gazed into each other’s eyes lovingly. He busied himself with attempting to write and losing hours to cat videos on YouTube, until he took a chance on that first date with Darren. Warmth floods his heart as he thinks of their almost kiss on the ice rink and all the other actual kisses after that. 

As he takes the onions and tomatoes out of the fridge, he grins at how he’s not alone anymore and he’s ready to do much more than kiss Darren. This reminds him to turn on the Christmas playlist that Darren made for him before he takes out the garlic, tomato paste and other ingredients from his cabinet. He smashes the garlic and chops the tomatoes while the music fills his apartment. Then he tries not to tear up when he gets to the onion, instead focusing on singing along to “Baby it’s Cold Outside” and on how he won’t have to beg Darren to stay tonight. 

But before that, he needs to cook this sauce, so he heats up the pan on the front left burner and pours the olive oil in. Fear runs through him at the thought that Darren, who’s been to Italy and no doubt ate tons of pasta, might not like his cooking. He knows Darren will probably be polite about it at least, even if he hates it. In any case, it’s too late to change the menu so he goes with it, waiting until the oil heats to add the onion, garlic, some oregano, and a bay leaf. He lets it cook and adds a little tomato paste, according to the recipe. Then he puts the tomatoes into the pot after the mixture cooks some more. After that, he stirs all the ingredients together. Once it boils, he lowers the heat and sighs, knowing he’ll be stuck at the stove for nearly an hour, checking it and stirring it so that it doesn’t burn. 

He sets the timer on his phone and stands there, occasionally stirring and after about twenty minutes, a text message from Darren lights up his screen.

_Hey babe! I’m almost done with work. I can’t wait for tonight! ;)_

Chris stirs the sauce and texts back:

_Me too. I hope you like dinner. I’m actually making it, like I said I would. It’s going okay so far._

Darren answers a few minutes later:

_Wow, you already started? I’m sure it’ll be amazing because *you’re* amazing._

He smiles and replies:

_Thanks. Glad you have so much faith in me._

_Of course,_ Darren tells him about ten minutes later. _How could I not? You chose me. :P_

Chris laughs and rolls his eyes before typing, _I guess you’re right. See you later._

_Later! <3_

Chris keeps stirring the sauce, his hopes for the night soaring. Now that he’s talked to Darren, he feels a sense of relief that it will go well but also the thrill that he will take a huge step forward in this relationship. It’s only been a few weeks but maybe he can ask Darren to be exclusive as well. With this, he can leave his past behind and move on to a bright future with Darren. 

He keeps all this in mind as he finishes the sauce, turning off the burner when it’s ready and then turning on the oven and getting a baking sheet. After that, he pulls the ready-made meatballs out of the refrigerator (he took a shortcut by going to a butcher but at least he asked about which cuts of meat were used in them so he could try making them on his own another time). He puts them on the sheet and sticks them in the oven once it’s warmed. He sits in his kitchen and waits, nervous energy flooding through him until he boils the water for the pasta on the front right burner (also not homemade because he’s not exactly an expert on that). The water is just about bubbling when Darren texts him again.

_Hey! I got home a little while ago and I’m almost ready. Can I come over soon?_

Chris panics for a moment, hoping the food will be ready in time. He didn’t bank on Darren being here early. Still, he answers in the affirmative, not wanting to discourage Darren.

_Sure. I’ll let security know that I’m expecting someone so you can just come right in. :)_

Darren responds with a thumbs up emoji joined by a happy blushing face. Chris’ face flushes too from the steam hitting his skin as he throws the pasta in the water. Then he peeks into the oven to check on the meatballs, which look like they’re almost done. He stirs the pot of spaghetti after a few minutes and decides to turn the sauce back on to heat it up. He rolls his sleeves up in an effort to cool down, stirs the sauce, and turns the burner up higher. But he doesn’t think it’ll get hot enough in time so he turns it up even higher until the sauce starts to bubble. He stirs it again and is about to turn the pot back down when the sauce pops and splashes onto his shirt near his left collarbone.

He curses and takes a quick look at the spaghetti before stirring it again, praying that it doesn’t burn or stick to the pan as he heads down the hall to change his shirt. But he’s halfway to his room when there’s a knock on the door. He looks down at his shirt and looks back down the hallway, cursing again as the knocks get louder.

“Coming!” Chris yells, hurrying to the door and opening it in a huff. 

“Hi, Chris!”

It’s Darren, dressed far nicer than Chris has ever seen, in a shiny, dark grey dress shirt with the two top buttons undone, hinting at his chest hair, along with dark blue pants that sinfully hug his thighs, and finishing the outfit off with a pair of black loafers. He has a medium-sized blue gift bag in his hand, one that might fit a book or something of that size.

But Darren’s dazzling smile and beautiful hazel eyes stare back at him, distracting him from asking what’s in the bag and why he’s not wearing a coat in this undoubtedly frosty weather.

“Hey,” Chris simply says.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” Darren comments before his free hand is on Chris’ hip and he kisses the corner of Chris’ mouth.

“I should say the same. You look great.”

“I, um, I try to clean up nice when I can.” Darren chuckles. “Figured now was a good time.”

“It definitely is.” 

Darren’s hand is warm on his waist and his breath is still hot on Chris’ cheek. Arousal is already stirring low in his belly, especially when Darren steps away and licks his own lips.

“So, um, yeah, come in,” Chris adds once he gains his composure. “Sit down, in the kitchen, on the couch, wherever you’d like. I have to finish dinner and go change.”

As Chris turns around and goes to the kitchen, Darren walks across the entryway to the living room.

“I’m sure I can help you with either one,” Darren replies cheekily while he places his gift under the tree, next to where Chris put Darren’s gift. “The lights on your tree are lovely, by the way, as is your choice in headwear. Someone who really knows what they’re doing must have helped you pick out those lights.”

“Oh, I think it was one of Santa’s elves. I’ll have to thank him later,” Chris remarks as he stands in front of the stove, his back toward Darren.

A few moments later, Darren’s hands are at Chris’ waist once more, and his voice is low and flirty in Chris’ ear. “I can think of a few ways.”

Chris shivers, imagining Darren naked below him on his bed, much like he’s been doing the last few nights that he’s been alone, craving exactly that. Darren’s legs are spread open, the smile on his face evident as Chris leans down and—

There’s a tap against Chris’ hip, Darren breaking him out of his fantasy.

“Did you salt the water, babe?” Darren asks, his thumb rubbing at the small of Chris’ back.

“Huh?” He wonders hazily, his pants already feeling a little tighter.

“Did you salt the water?” Darren repeats, reaching around Chris for the wooden spoon resting on the counter and then stirring the spaghetti. “It seems like the pasta’s sticking to the pot. Salt usually helps with that. Plus it’s way more delicious that way.”

“No. I, uh, I forgot,” he explains, attempting not to think of any more future activities with Darren and to shift his focus back to the task at hand. “I started cooking it after you told me you were coming so I had to heat up the sauce and then it splattered onto my shirt and now you’re here.”

“I am and it’s okay. Don’t even worry about it.” Darren squeezes Chris’ hip and stirs the pot again. “It’ll be fine. I know you want everything to be perfect but it already is. It’ll be great as long as I’m with you, alright?”

Chris takes a deep breath, feeling more grounded in reality as he leans back into Darren. “Alright. Yeah.”

Then he turns his head toward Darren and says, “You’re right. I just—I want you to like it because I —I like you.”

“I like you, too. Duh.” Darren laughs and pecks him on the mouth. “So much so that I’ll help you cook. Or I’ll take that shirt off your hands, since it’s dirty and all.”

Darren’s hand that was on Chris’ hip wanders across his shirt, his fingers dancing along the buttons near Chris’ stomach. That familiar heat flutters inside him again as he presses closer and nuzzles his nose against Darren’s.

“That is a tempting offer, Dare. Don’t you want to eat?”

“Maybe,” Darren murmurs against his mouth and kisses him again. “I’m definitely hungry.”

“Me too.”

Chris dives back in, kissing Darren on the mouth once more. There’s a splash as Chris drops the spoon into the water and Darren’s other hand ghosts along Chris’ waist. Chris turns in Darren’s embrace and cradles his jaw with both hands. Darren deepens the kiss and brings his hands up higher as the dial from the burner digs into Chris’ back. But he doesn’t care since Darren’s tongue slips into his mouth and one of his thighs slips between Chris’ legs.

Chris’ legs part instinctively as his hands slide down Darren’s chin to his neck, and then he stops at Darren’s shoulders. They might be breaking the unspoken boundaries they set but Chris planned on breaking them tonight anyway. So he grinds against Darren, who’s practically half-hard already. But then Darren breaks away, resting his forehead against Chris’ own.

“Shit, are we gonna—Do you wanna—Tonight?” Darren wonders, his breathing ragged. “Are you ready?”

Chris nods. “That’s sort of what I wanted to give you for Christmas. It’s part of the reason I’ve been waiting.”

Darren’s fingers run along Chris’ shoulders soothingly. “You know I sort of figured that when you wanted to make me dinner. But there’s no need to wine and dine me, babe. You just had to ask me. That’s all.”

“Well, that’s good because dinner is probably ruined now.” Chris groans.

“Oh, I’m sorry I distracted you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“You’re absolutely right, because you are irresistible.” Darren kisses the edge of Chris’ jaw, right behind his ear.

Chris blushes but somehow manages to reach behind him with one hand and blindly switch off the burner where the sauce pot is. “That’s exactly how I feel about you. Let’s just hope we can say the same about dinner.”

“Y’know I really am hungry but if it’s screwed up, we can order takeout and have a couple of drinks while we’re waiting. Plus I’m sure we can find other ways to kill time.” 

Darren’s mouth trails down Chris’ neck and when Darren stops to suck at the scar there, Chris feels his jeans get impossibly tighter.

“Oh, ohh, that’s true,” Chris agrees, the hand that is still on Darren drifting down to his chest and the other one gripping the top of the oven. “But, um, I wanted it to be good for you.”

He licks at the spot that he was sucking and then pauses to say, “Oh, it will be.”

“God, you’re the worst.”

“No, I’m not,” Darren counters, his lips brushing down Chris’ neck.

Chris quietly moans. “No, you’re not and that’s why I hate you.”

Darren’s hands curl around Chris’ biceps as he replies, “No you don’t. You l-like me. A lot. Don’t you?”

“I-I would like you better if you let me check on this pasta and meatballs that are probably both burned.”

“Fine. Have it your way. But I’ll pay for food if it doesn’t work out.” Darren’s hands drop from him before Chris turns around to look in the pot.

He carefully grabs the end of the spoon that is sticking out of the boiling water and stirs the pasta around. He sighs, knowing it’s probably overdone. Then he turns off the water and reaches for his oven mitts before putting them on. 

“Could you move back a little, please?” Chris asks Darren.

Once Darren obliges, Chris takes a colander from the cabinet and puts it in the sink. Then he carefully picks up the pot and strains the spaghetti, the water rinsing down the drain. As expected, when he pours the pasta back into the pot, he notices stray pieces of spaghetti have hung around on the sides of it, a sign that he didn’t stir it enough.

He looks at Darren and raises an eyebrow. “The pasta’s a little overcooked.”

“Totally worth it.” Darren smirks. “By the way, you look really cute with those oven mitts on, babe.”

Chris sticks his tongue out. “I’m checking on the meatballs now.”

“Oh, I bet you are,” Darren teases as Chris bends over to look in the oven.

“You’re ridiculous,” Chris says, although he does stick his ass out a little more than necessary, knowing that Darren is probably roving over it.

While doing so, Chris opens the oven to find that the food in question is blackened on the top so he shuts off the heat and slams the door closed.

Chris turns toward Darren and frowns. “They’re a little burnt. I don’t know if they’re still edible.”

“Aww, it’s okay. Sauce covers a multitude of sins.”

“If that’s not burnt too. I made it from scratch and it took, like, an hour.”

“I’ll try everything anyway, Chris. C’mon, I help you serve everything.”

“I’m supposed to be serving you. It’s my dinner.”

“Well, how about you take the meatballs out? I’ll get the plates and open the wine. Where are your plates and glasses?”

“Good idea. The plates are in the cupboard next to the stove and the glasses are in the one next to that, Dare.” 

He turns back around and opens the oven again. Then he puts the tray of meatballs onto the counter while Darren moves around him to get to the cabinet. 

“Thanks,” Chris adds.

“Don’t mention it.” Darren shrugs before reaching past Chris to open the cabinet. After that, he puts the plates down next to the tray. “It’s part of my job description as—As whatever you want me to be,” he finishes.

Chris knows he’ll have to bring up this topic soon enough if Darren meant to say the word that Chris thought he was going to say. They haven’t mentioned the whole boyfriend thing since the night that Chris was drunk and stayed at Darren’s place a couple of weeks ago. Although Chris is pretty sure that Darren will agree and want to commit to him, he plays it off with a joke and decides to mention it later.

“As my own personal servant,” Chris replies with a grin. “With benefits, of course.”

Darren takes two wine glasses out of the cabinet and laughs. “Hey, I don’t mind the benefits. I’ll gladly accept the position. I’ll accept any position when it comes to you.”

Chris blushes. “Oh, yeah? We’ll have to see about that later.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” Darren says gruffly before he pulls away and heads to the refrigerator.

“I, um, I should really change.”

Chris starts to walk past Darren but stops right in front of him when Darren turns around and grabs his wrist.

“You sure you don’t need any assistance with that?” Darren asks, leaving a tiny space between them that Chris aches to close.

But he doesn’t and answers, “No, I—I can handle it.”

“If you change your mind, let me know.” Darren’s eyes darken and flicker down to Chris’ mouth.

“Maybe later, Dare.”

“Okay. I might hold you to that.”

After Darren lets go of his wrist, Chris walks down the hallway, the look of pure want in Darren’s eyes lingering in his mind. He takes off his hat, tossing it onto the floor. The shirt follows and he throws it in his laundry bin, hoping that the stain won’t set, because he really can’t wait to make it through dinner and get back to Darren.

He changes into a different dress shirt that’s navy blue and rushes back down the hallway eagerly to find Darren standing next to the table, with two place settings on either side of it. There are two plates of spaghetti with two meatballs on each plate, topped off with Chris’ homemade sauce. Of course, as promised, there are also glasses of red wine in front of both settings.

Darren waves a hand toward the table, as if presenting it to Chris. “Dinner awaits, good sir.”

Chris’ heart skips a beat at how right it feels to have Darren in his kitchen, offering him a meal like it’s something he’s done every day for years. Suddenly Chris can picture him doing exactly that. Chris blinks back tears of relief that he’s found someone he could share his life with after the mess of his past. Darren is considerate, warm, patient, and beautiful. He couldn’t ask for anyone better.

“Thank you,” Chris tells him, though he doesn’t mean only for serving the food.

“No problem. You went to all this trouble slaving over a hot stove. It’s the least I could do after almost ruining it.” Darren’s eyebrows draw together in confusion when he notices Chris’ expression. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Don’t be sorry. Everything is just perfect, really.”

Chris steps closer to him and pulls him into his arms for a hug. They stand there for a long moment and when Darren buries his face in Chris’ chest, Chris realizes that this is the only gift he needs.

“Told you it would be,” Darren mumbles against his shirt.

Chris kisses the top of his head and breathes in the scent of his shampoo, so close to uttering those three words. But he stops short. Instead, he says, “Let’s eat.” 

Darren pulls away and clears his throat. After that, he pulls out a chair and offers it to Chris. “Right. Food.”

“You’re my guest. I should be making you sit,” Chris states but sits anyway.

Darren stands behind him, rubbing at his shoulders. “You should be relaxing. You worked your ass off for this. Now’s the time to enjoy it.”

Darren kisses his cheek and then sits across from him.

“I already am,” Chris provides.

“Me too. I’ll drink to that.” Darren raises his glass. “To good times.”

“To good times,” Chris echoes, clinking his glass against Darren’s.

_“Buon appetito, tesoro,”_ Darren responds with an unmistakable Italian accent and then switches back to English. “Enjoy your meal, sweetheart.”

“I think I will,” Chris answers after a sip of wine, enjoying the drink and Darren’s sentiment. “I almost forgot you could speak Italian.”

“I have a lot of skills I’d like to show you.” Darren suggests flirtatiously after he swallows. 

Heat courses through Chris as he watches Darren’s Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, thinking of not so innocent skills that could cause the same movement. Chris’ excitement only grows when Darren twirls spaghetti on his fork and slurps it down. Darren stares him down and does this several more times, sauce landing on the corner of his mouth that Chris wants to lick away. Chris downs a few more sips of wine instead and chews on a meatball; part of it crunches in his mouth but the sauce does almost cover the flavor, like Darren mentioned.

Darren swirls his pointer finger around the rim of his glass with a laugh. “Nothing to say, babe?”

Chris counters with a smirk. “Whoever cooked this did a pretty decent job. It’s delicious.”

“Mmm. I have to agree. I’ve heard the cook himself is delicious as well. But I’m going to need a little more experience with that to be sure.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Darren reaches for Chris’ hand across the table and Chris puts down his knife and fork and takes it. 

Darren nods and interlocks their fingers. “Yeah. He’s hard to get a hold of but I have a contact. Once you find him, he’s a real treat. I wouldn’t mind another taste though. I need to be sure of my assessment.”

“I hear he doesn’t come out until after dinner. But I’m sure I can make that happen. He does like to leave his guests satisfied.”

Darren’s foot rubs against one of Chris’ ankles. “Ahh, in that case, I’ll give him a four star review. I’m totally not gonna share him though. I’d like him to be my personal, exclusive chef.”

“I can make that happen too,” Chris assures him, swallowing down the last dregs of his wine. “If the guest can finish eating soon.”

Darren picks up his fork with his free hand and hastily scarfs down the last two bites of meatball on his plate along with a couple of forkfuls of spaghetti.

“Done.” Darren declares, although there’s still food left on his plate. He also drains what’s left of his glass of wine in seconds. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Chris smiles, figuring that Darren is clearly on the same page as he is. “Ahh, ahh, not so fast. We need to clean up and then exchange gifts, Dare.”

“Screw gifts. I’d rather unwrap you.”

Chris’ face flushes yet again.

“Sorry, not sorry,” Darren adds and chuckles. “I’ve been dying to kiss you again ever since you came out of your room. I was definitely very close to joining you.”

“Honestly, I don’t think I would have minded. Waiting has been killing me,” he admits, following Darren’s lead by finishing his meatballs and eating a few more bites of pasta. “So I guess we can just leave the rest for leftovers?”

“I’m all for that, babe.” 

They eat as much as they can of what’s on their plates and Chris gets up to throw away the little bits that are left. Then he puts the dishes in the sink. He also covers the pots of spaghetti and the sauce. He leaves the tray of meatballs where it is, not bothering with fully cleaning it up. While Chris is doing all this, Darren refills their wine glasses, moving about the kitchen like he belongs here. Chris could definitely make this a regular occasion.

After Chris thanks Darren for more wine, Darren thanks Chris for the meal and the stellar company. They leisurely make their way to the couch, placing their wine glasses on the coffee table in front of where they’re sitting.

“You really got me something, Darren?” Chris asks.

“Of course. I wanted to do something nice for you, since you offered to make dinner and you invited me over. You’re a really amazing person.” 

Darren briefly picks up his glass of wine to take a sip. Then he puts it back down before he slides closer to Chris, putting an arm around him. 

“Like I’ve said, I’ve gotten really fucking lucky with you,” Darren adds. “And I can’t even compare what I’m giving you to what you’re giving me. I hope you like it.”

“I’m sure I will. You’ve given me so much, too. More than you know, Dare.” He’s close to tearing up again when Darren reaches out, cupping Chris’ cheek with his free hand.

“So show me,” Darren offers.

Chris leans in and presses his lips to Darren’s, gently at first and then firmer, hoping to convey all the feelings that he can’t name quite yet. He had never expected to fall for anyone again. But somehow Darren transcended that and Chris couldn’t let him go, not after Darren pursued him and has been so understanding. He’s definitely special and Chris could tell from the moment he saw him, even if he was too stubborn to admit it then.

Darren must feel the same because he kisses back, his thumb ghosting over Chris’ jaw so delicately that Chris trembles with it, and that familiar heat spreads throughout his body. 

Chris’ own hand clenches in his lap before he grips Darren’s tiny waist. He’s rewarded with a slight intake of breath through Darren’s nose and his tongue against the seam of Chris’ mouth, asking for permission. Chris lets him in easily, as he had done in the kitchen. He angles his body and parts his legs to bring Darren closer. 

Darren takes the invitation, kneeling onto the cushions while never breaking their kiss. His other hand slides out from Chris’ shoulders and he cradles Chris’ other cheek in his palm. Chris’ other hand clutches Darren’s side and Darren’s chest presses against his own. But Chris wants more so he digs his fingers into Darren’s waist and Darren pushes him down onto the couch properly. Chris goes willingly, Darren’s hands trailing down to his chest. Darren finally pulls away only to drag his lips across Chris’ jaw and down his neck.

Chris moans his appreciation and untucks Darren’s shirt to get his hands on the small of Darren’s back. He pushes Darren’s shirt up further, causing Darren to grind down and suck at the scar on Chris’ neck.

“Fuck,” Chris curses quietly so Darren sucks harder and Chris swears even louder.

“Mmm,” Darren murmurs. “You taste so good. Always so good, babe.”

Darren’s hand awkwardly rests against Chris’ heart, which beats even quicker with Darren’s words and his touch.

“Yeah? You can taste me anywhere you want,” Chris challenges boldly.

Darren nips the spot that he had been sucking. Then he pulls back to look at him. “Really? Shit, Chris. You, um, you want me to? Now?”

Chris’ cock strains in his pants as he imagines the opposite position of his earlier fantasy, with himself fully exposed and Darren slinking down to wrap that sinful mouth around him. 

“Whatever you want, I’m ready,” Chris affirms. “I want you.”

“Want you too, but I—I want to do this right. Wanna, oh God, I want everything.”

“You can have it.” 

Chris fixes him with a stare, his eyes trailing down from Darren’s spit-slick lips to the exposed strip of skin down the middle of his chest. He can’t wait to unbutton Darren’s shirt and see even more.

Darren must catch him because he smirks and says, “You can have it too, Chris.”

Chris’ hands slide to the front of his shirt and he traces his fingers down the buttons reverently. “Well, then, let’s get started,” he remarks.

Chris unbuttons Darren’s shirt slowly and Darren’s eyes widen.

“I thought we were,” Darren counters, glancing down at Chris’ movements before he smiles. “Not wasting any more time, then, huh, babe?”

Chris shakes his head as he shrugs Darren’s shirt off of him and throws it on the floor. “Nope. I’ve waited long enough. Let me see.”

“Ooh, taking charge. I like it.”

Darren sits up, allowing Chris to get a full view of his bare chest. It’s nothing like Chris imagined, all that beautiful, tanned skin on display, just for him. There’s a smattering of hair around each of his nipples and some more that lightly covers his abs. There’s also that trail from his belly button down to his waistband that Chris enjoys scratching during the few times they’ve gotten this close. He’s lean but not too built, with a tiny bit of flesh hanging over the sides of his jeans, which Chris doesn’t mind grabbing onto.

So he does, his mouth watering as he thinks of tasting every inch. 

“C’mere, Dare.”

Darren lets out a surprised “Mmph,” as Chris pulls him in for a kiss. Then Darren presses against him once more. Suddenly Chris regrets not taking off his own shirt first so he can feel all of Darren’s warm skin against his own. Instead, he lets his hands roam across Darren’s back, exploring the planes of muscles in his shoulders. Darren’s hands frame Chris’ face so tenderly, a harsh contrast to how he rolls his hips down so Chris can feel him half-hard even through their layers of clothing. Chris meets him with his own thrust upward.

Darren breaks their kiss only to swear against Chris’ lips. “Shit. We’re really doing this, aren’t we, babe?”

“Yeah,” Chris affirms before brushing his lips over the corner of Darren’s mouth. “I kinda said that earlier.”

“I just—I can’t fucking believe I—I’m gonna—”

“Yeah, you’re gonna. We’re gonna.” Chris laughs.

Darren laughs too, the colored lights from the tree shining in his eyes for a moment. Chris laughs even louder because if it weren’t for his old Christmas lights dying, he wouldn’t have bought these new ones and he would never have met Darren. So he guesses he has to be grateful for the holidays. Even if he had grown to hate this time of year for a while, it led him to this, a new, better love that made him forget the old one ever existed. He definitely can’t say that he hates Christmas anymore.

“Is something wrong?” Darren wonders aloud as his hands drift down to Chris’ collarbone. 

“No, Dare. Everything is so, so right.” Chris licks his lips, his laugh forming into a smirk. “Did I ever thank you for those lights?”

Darren narrows his eyes and ponders for a moment before answering. “You know what? You didn’t. Not very nicely, anyway, even after I hit on you that whole time and gave you a discount.”

“What was I thinking?”

Chris kisses Darren again briefly on the mouth.

“Hell if I know,” Darren replies and kisses him back. “Glad I gave you my number though.”

“Me too. I never properly thanked you for that either.” Chris’ hands wander down Darren’s back, his fingertips dipping dangerously beneath Darren’s waistband.

“Mmm. I think you’re long overdue on both accounts. Oh, ohh,” Darren cries out as Chris’ fingers graze the top of his ass. “Fuck. I—I also think you’re not naked enough yet.”

“I can fix that, but my hands are a little busy at the moment,” Chris points out, his blunt nails digging into Darren’s cheeks.

“Unhh, uhh. Got it. I’m totally on top of that.”

Darren pushes back against the touch before he fumbles for the hem of Chris’ shirt. Then, once he unbuttons it and Chris wrestles out of it, those gorgeous hazel eyes widen, taking in every newly exposed inch. His mouth drops open and Chris just wants to kiss him again, if only to get rid of his nerves at being scrutinized so carefully.

But his fears don’t matter because Darren’s next words are, “God, you’re so fucking beautiful. Better than I imagined.”

“Good. The feeling’s mutual. Believe me, I’ve imagined many times.”

“So I’ve heard, babe. I’ve imagined you, too, but now it’s time for the real thing. I just wanna live up to your expectations. I mean, I have years of fantasies to live up to.” Darren chuckles.

Chris’ hands still and he squeezes his eyes shut in embarrassment. “Don’t remind me.”

“Hey, look at me.”

Chris opens his eyes to Darren’s soft smile.

“It’s okay,” Darren assures him and then leans down to nuzzle Chris’ nose with his own. “I’m only teasing. I told you I’m cool with it. I could, um, tell you about one of my fantasies if you want.”

Chris blushes despite their position and presses his fingertips into Darren’s firm ass once more. “We’ve done enough talking, Darren. I’d prefer a more hands-on approach.”

“That can be arranged,” Darren declares, his voice deep and gruff as his hands curl around Chris’ hips. “Let’s go to your room then.”

“But I’m enjoying the view, among other things,” Chris explains, scratching at Darren’s skin.

Darren grunts in response before answering. “You can enjoy it much more if we aren’t on the couch, babe. I can, uh, spread you out and appreciate you the way you deserve.”

Chris’ cock twitches painfully in his jeans as he reluctantly slips his fingers out of Darren’s pants, his mind racing with the possibilities of what Darren could mean.

“Al-Alright,” Chris agrees, his heart quickening as well while his hands fall away from Darren’s body.

One of Darren’s hands opens and slides up Chris’ chest, over his heart. 

“Relax, it’s me,” Darren reminds him with a kiss to Chris’ collarbone.

“I-I know.” Chris swallows, overcome with how gentle and sweet he’s been so far. Soon, hopefully, Darren won’t be so gentle, which only excites him that much more. “I trust you.”

Darren gulps and climbs off of Chris, who misses his warmth already. Then Darren bounces to his feet and offers a hand to him. “Lead the way, my dear.”

He does, pulling Darren down the hallway and dragging him to his room. He takes a deep breath as he realizes that this is the first time he’s had someone here like this since his ex. He spent a lot of long, lonely nights in his bed, contemplating what he did wrong to make him leave, until he realized that it wasn’t his fault. That still didn’t change his attitude towards relationships though. Losing his ex had hurt and he didn’t want to go through that love and loss again. But somehow he’s allowed Darren into his heart and soon, his body as well. Darren, the man he used to dream about as a teenager, is here, accepting and returning Chris’ affections. It’s almost too much to wrap his head and his heart around the notion that _he_ was the one to bring Chris back from the edge of giving up on relationships altogether.

But sure enough, it’s Darren who’s standing behind him in the middle of his room, his arms encircling Chris’ waist as he kisses Chris’ shoulder.

“Hey, where’d you go?” Darren asks quietly, breaking him from his thoughts.

Chris turns his head, glancing over and catching dark curly hair in his sights. “Nowhere. I’m right here. I was just thinking about how happy I am that you’re with me. It’s been so long since I—I’m so, so glad it’s you.”

Darren lifts his own head and spins Chris to face him. “I’m glad it’s me too. I really fucking like you and I wanted to be with you from the moment I saw you. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

Chris kisses him then, to thank him in the only way that seems appropriate for the moment. Words cannot possibly express all that he feels, so he steers Darren towards the bed and pushes him flat onto his back, never breaking their kiss. As much as he loved the feeling of Darren on top of him on the couch, he loves how Darren’s body responds just as easily underneath his, their lower halves meeting perfectly. 

In a mirror of their earlier position, Darren’s hands find their way to Chris’ lower back, sneaking beneath the waistband of his pants. But then Darren takes his hands away and he unbuttons the fly of Chris’ jeans. Darren pushes Chris’ pants down swiftly and Chris does the same to Darren, only a thin layer of clothing left between them. Chris doesn’t waste any time, his hand brushing against Darren’s erection through his boxers.

Chris breaks away to kiss across Darren’s jaw and down his neck while his fingers run down Darren’s chest.

“Ugh, babe,” Darren groans. “Want more. Want you. Tell me what you want.”

Chris mouths down the middle of Darren’s chest, to his belly button and then the trail of hair below it. He wants to suck and leave marks but his aching cock doesn’t want to wait too much longer. Darren instinctively spreads his legs to make room for Chris.

Chris looks up at him with a smirk. “Thought you were gonna spread me out.”

Darren leans up on his elbows. “This is nice too. Every which way is good when it comes to you. Fuck, I want—I want everything. You’re so fucking hot.”

Chris feels the same way as he stares down at the bulge in Darren’s boxers. He reaches for the waistband and peels the material down, Darren’s erection springing free. He’s thick and shorter than Chris but still so beautiful, like the rest of him. Chris can’t resist wrapping a hand around Darren’s cock and taking the tip into his mouth. 

After the most glorious loud moan, a curse and Chris’ name falling from Darren’s lips, Darren grabs at Chris’ hair encouragingly. So Chris takes in a little more and adjusts for a second. Then he opens his mouth wider, allowing Darren in even further.

“Shit. Oh fuck, Chris, baby,” Darren cries out again. “I—I can’t.”

Chris sucks harder but then he pulls off with a wet pop and a question in his eyes. “What? What do you mean?”

“Don’t wanna—Not like this. Not yet. Wanna fuck you. Or have you fuck me. Whatever you’re down for.”

Chris studies Darren’s dick, still in his hand and wet with his saliva. He thinks of Darren opening him up and burying his hot, hard cock inside him, fucking him until they both reach their release. 

So he jerks Darren roughly a couple of times before he gets up and slips off Darren’s shoes and socks, along with the pants that were pooled around his ankles. He takes Darren’s boxers off completely, too. Then he slips his own pants all the way off as well as his socks.

Darren sits up curiously and opens his mouth, a small o-shape forming as Chris finally strips off his own boxers, fully naked in front of him.

Darren gasps and exclaims, “God, get your pretty little ass over here, babe.”

Chris smiles, his eyes darting over to the empty spot beside Darren, so he lies down there.

Darren rolls onto his side and smirks, glancing down between Chris’ legs. “Playing hard to get, I see.”

Chris spreads his legs a little, showcasing his prominent, throbbing cock. “Very hard. I know what I want though.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Chris nods and then tilts his head to the side, toward his nightstand. “Lube’s in there. Condoms, too. Want you inside me.”

Darren straddles him. “Is that the hands-on approach you were looking for, sweetheart?”

“Sounds about right. Does that work for you?”

“Fuck yes,” Darren declares before kissing Chris’ cheek. “Do you mind if I do the honors? Can I open your drawer?”

“Feel free. They’re both on top,” Chris answers as the head of Darren’s cock rubs against his shaft. “Shit. I’ve had to use the lube a lot lately.”

Darren opens the drawer and then closes it, returning with lube in one hand and a condom in the other. He throws the condom on the bed with a raise of his eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“Uh huh. Been thinking about you a lot,” Chris admits as Darren sits back and scoots down his body, positioning himself between Chris’ legs.

Then Darren squeezes some of the substance onto the pads of his pointer and middle finger. Chris bends his knees and plants his feet flat in desperate anticipation while Darren rubs his thumb against his fingers.

“Really? Did you do this?” Darren asks, the tip of one finger pressing inside.

“Oh, ohhh. Yeah, but—but more, Dare.”

He presses in further. “Like this?”

“Unhh, more,” Chris replies. “Harder.”

“Yeah? Okay.” Darren presses in a little more, not quite reaching the spot that Chris wants.

But when he crooks his finger a few times, Chris bears down, trying to get him even closer.

“M-more than that,” Chris urges. “I can take more.”

“Good to know.” Darren grins playfully, pulling out fully and adding more lube before a second finger joins the first.

While Darren moves his fingers in and out, Chris balls his hands into fists at his sides, unsure of what to do. 

“That’s—That’s good, but more,” Chris breathes out and grips the sheets. “One more.”

Darren considers it after a couple more thrusts and replies, “Oh, okay. But not for long. I-I need to—Are you almost good?”

“Yeah. Just—Yeah. Quickly.”

“You sure?” Darren asks, concern evident in his eyes despite their wildness.

“Yeah.” 

Chris groans as Darren pulls out again to squeeze some lube onto his finger. Soon after that, he slides it inside along with the two others. It’s slightly cold and the stretch burns a bit, but in a good way. He already feels so full that he can’t even imagine what it’ll be like to have Darren inside him, filling him up more completely than this.

“Oh, oh, fuck,” Chris swears as Darren hits that spot over and over every time he thrusts back in. “Yeah. Yes. Fuck. I’m so ready.”

Darren’s eyebrows draw together for a moment as he presses in once and then twice before pulling out and leaving Chris empty.

“Okay, okay,” he responds, frantically searching for the condom. 

His eyes finally land on a spot on the mattress near Chris’ hip. Then he picks up the condom and rips it open with his slippery hand after a couple of tries and a curse. When he slips it on his cock and jerks himself off for a minute, Chris is surprised that he himself hasn’t gotten off on that visual alone. But he holds out.

Darren curls his lube-coated hand around the base of his dick and his clean one around Chris’ hip. Suddenly the blunt head pushes past the first ring of muscle.

“Ohh, ohh,” Chris cries out, one of his hands stopping in mid-air before he can grab his own cock.

Darren takes his lubed hand from himself and wraps it around the base of Chris’ shaft. “Hey, I’ve got you.”

He lazily strokes at Chris as he pushes another inch inside of him.

“O-Okay,” Chris answers. The hand that was poised in the air falls back to the side awkwardly before he grasps Darren’s ass.

With that, Darren thrusts inside him, to the hilt, his balls smacking against Chris’ ass. Chris clenches around him.

“Fuck, babe,” Darren utters. “Sorry. You alright?”

“Yeah. I—I need a minute. That’s all.”

One of Darren’s thumbs rubs Chris’ hipbone while the other hand jacks him off slowly. 

“Sure,” Darren murmurs. “I’m fine with that.”

Darren takes the moment as an opportunity to kiss Chris messily, with his mouth wide open and so much tongue. Chris relaxes and kisses back, both of his hands on Darren’s ass. Then Darren moves, experimentally at first. He pulls almost all the way out and thrusts back in, mimicking the movement of his tongue. Somehow, Darren’s hand moves over his dick with nearly the same timing and Chris feels so close with only this. But he forces himself to last a little longer while Darren continues the same rhythm, fucking in and out of him. Darren’s thumb swipes over the precum at the head of Chris’ cock as he drives back in, hitting that perfect spot. Chris’ hands skim over the naked curve of Darren’s ass, his thumb brushing against his rim for a second. Then he dips into Darren’s crack and traces up his spine. He feels the muscles in Darren’s shoulders working as he fucks him harder and strokes him faster. 

Darren licks into his mouth and then sloppily kisses him before his lips drag across Chris’ jaw. “C’mon, babe. Wanna see you. Chris, look at me.”

Darren pulls back just enough so that Chris can see his eyes, a mix of lust and adoration burning bright gold, piercing into his own. 

“Yeah, yeah, baby. Chris. Feels so fucking good,” Darren babbles. Then when he bites his lip and hits that spot once more, there’s a look of sheer focus on his face, solely on Chris and his pleasure. That’s what makes Chris spill over Darren’s fist with a curse and a cry of Darren’s name.

He goes soft, letting Darren jerk him through it until he’s boneless and spent. Darren’s hands grip Chris’ hips so hard that there might be bruises there later, but Chris doesn’t care about Darren being gentle anymore, not when he’s fucking in and out, taking his own pleasure until he stiffens inside Chris.

“Ohh, oh, Chris,” Darren yells as he digs his fingers into Chris’ skin for a moment, certainly leaving marks. He goes still and then curses quietly, collapsing on top of him.

Chris soothes his hands up and down Darren’s sweaty back, the only sounds their breathing as they absorb the moment. Darren kisses Chris’ collarbone, just above his racing heart, before he pulls out. But he stays on top of Chris a little while longer. Chris kisses Darren’s temple, the closest part he can reach. 

Then Darren rolls off of him and to the side for a few long minutes. Chris fears that Darren will get up and leave now that it’s over and he got what he wanted, even if Darren has said and done so much to indicate that he wouldn’t.

Chris’ worries disappear, however, when Darren returns and curls up on his side, throwing a leg over Chris’ hip. “Just had to get more comfortable, babe. Is this good or do you want to do the spooning thing? Because I will spoon the hell out of you, Christopher Colfer.”

Chris sighs in relief. “This is good. We can spoon later if you want to stay over.”

“Of course I do,” Darren replies adamantly as he rests his head against Chris’ chest. “I would never want to miss out on cuddles from you.”

“Do you get even more cuddly after sex?”

“Ahh, a mystery that will be solved right about now.” He pauses and presses his mouth to the middle of Chris’ chest. “The answer is yes. Always yes. I’m a fucking cuddle monster, especially for you, babe.”

“I already knew that last part.” Chris chuckles. “I have a lot of experience with that.”

“That’s true. Couldn’t do much else these past couple weeks, not that I minded. It was nice. Didn’t want to pressure you, y’know?”

“Mhmm. I-I needed time and I’m glad I waited. It was pretty amazing. You were pretty amazing.”

Darren looks up at him with a proud smile. “Yeah?”

Chris nods.

“Right back at ya, babe,” Darren answers and then presses a kiss to Chris’ mouth. “Like I said before, totally worth the wait.”

Chris kisses him a little longer and then says, “I have to agree. Thank you.”

“I should be thanking you.” Darren kisses his cheek. “For the best Christmas present ever.”

“Well, you’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Darren.”

“Merry Christmas, baby.” Darren cups Chris’ cheek and launches into an impromptu rendition of the song of the same name.

_“Merry Christmas, baby,”_ he sings low against Chris’ lips. _“You sure did treat me nice.”_ He stops briefly to lay halfway on top of Chris, their sensitive cocks brushing together. _“Merry Christmas, baby. You sure did treat me nice. Now I feel like I’m livin’, livin’ in paradise...”_

Chris twitches against him and feels the same. This _is_ paradise, even after initially being opposed to getting close to anyone, and then after waiting so long once he had Darren in his life. He’s going to enjoy this afterglow and not dwell on anything that could go wrong later, because right now, he has all he could ever need. So after Darren kisses him a little more and Chris hastily cleans them both off with tissues, they drift off, content with only each other.

\---

Chris blinks awake to an unfamiliar warmth pressed against him and arms wrapped around him. Then he hears a quiet, “Mmm,” and lips ghosting across the back of his neck. He slowly realizes it’s Darren, who spent the night after their dinner date where they were going to exchange gifts. Chris got him an actual present but the exchange was forgotten in favor of Chris giving him something else. He wanted to finally spend a night with him that was more than drunkenly falling asleep, and he did. It was all that Chris had ever dreamed of since they met, and even before that. Now, Darren is still here, cuddling him like he promised and not letting go.

But he’ll have to soon, because Darren’s flight leaves later today, when he’s off to his parents’ house for Christmas. Chris is glad to have given him the perfect send off, even if they haven’t given each other their presents, made their relationship official, or said those three little words. There will be so much time for that when Darren returns and the craziness of the holiday season dies down. Right now, though, he can feel Darren snug against him and he wants to make the most of the few hours they have left.

So Chris cautiously rolls his hips back and Darren’s semi-erect cock grazes the middle of his ass. Darren grunts and lets out a curse behind him.

“Fuck,” Darren murmurs and Chris can feel his own arousal stirring.

“Morning,” Chris says with another roll of his hips.

“Chris?” Darren questions, his voice a little sleepy and gruff.

“Yeah, that’s me. Nice to make your acquaintance.”

“Huh? What?” 

Darren’s hands drift down from Chris’ stomach to his hips, instinctively gripping there.

“Remember me?” Chris laughs. “The guy who crushed on you, ignored you, and then finally decided to take a chance. I made you an awesome Italian dinner that I almost ruined but you spent the night anyway.”

“Mmm, it’s all coming back to me, babe. The pleasure was all mine, actually. And yours, to be honest.” 

Darren purposefully closes the gap between them, his cock right near Chris wants him, against his crack.

“True,” Chris returns. “It was pretty great. I wouldn’t mind some more of that.”

“Baby?”

“Yeah?”

“Turn around.”

Chris sighs, missing the position he was craving. But he’s rewarded with Darren’s bright grin as he faces him.

Then one of Darren’s hands falls away while the other trails up Chris’ side and slides across his chest. Darren’s fingers rub across Chris’ shoulder, making Chris shiver. He traces up Chris’ neck with his fingertips until finally, he rests his palm on Chris’ cheek. Darren’s hazel eyes study his face intently. Chris swears he sees them shine with some emotion that he can’t bear to name just yet. Chris wants to shut his own eyes under the heat of his gaze. But Darren’s eyes are also somehow dark with want and flickering down to Chris’ mouth.

So Chris returns the gaze, remaining silent but licking his lips.

“Hey,” Darren says.

“Hi. Did you want something?”

“Uh huh.” 

Darren nods briefly before diving in to kiss him. Chris lifts his leg, draping it around Darren’s hip to bring him even closer. In response, Darren deepens the kiss, his tongue delving into Chris’ mouth as their cocks brush together. One of Chris’ own hands reaches down between them, wrapping around the both of them roughly. 

Chris works his hand with purpose, although it’s dry. Their dicks are still slightly sticky from last night but there’s not enough friction to get much out of it. Chris wants to look for the lube but he likes this position and he doesn’t want to stop kissing Darren. So he keeps jerking them both off the best he can, his thumb swiping over the slit in the head, where he can feel Darren’s precum. 

But then Darren breaks away to breathe out, “Chris, need-need more.”

Chris pecks him on the mouth, already missing the taste. “Yeah, I’ve got you,” he assures Darren with another stroke of his hand. “Gotta find some stuff.”

Darren’s hand that was on Chris’ cheek moves to smack Chris’ ass lightly. Chris sparks with arousal at that and files the feeling away to explore later. 

“I’ll be waiting, babe,” Darren replies.

Then Chris reluctantly turns away and lifts his head off the bed, searching the mattress for the bottle of lube. He quickly scans around the bed and notices the lube on the floor. After that, he bends over to retrieve the half-empty bottle and Darren smacks his ass again.

Chris turns back around, bottle in hand and a smirk on his face. “Is that a thing for you?”

Darren blushes, a pretty, pink tint to his cheeks. “Do you not like it? Is it not a thing for you?”

Chris shakes his head. “I don’t mind it. I do like it. Just wondering.”

Darren smiles and smacks one of Chris’ ass cheeks once more. “Good. ‘Cause it seemed like you were into it.”

“We can, um, definitely do more of that.”

Darren runs his hand down Chris’ forearm, stopping at his elbow. “Okay. Noted. Now, where were we?” 

“Right about here.” Chris squeezes some lube into his palm and curls his hand around Darren’s dick. 

Darren winces at the contact.

“Ooh, sorry,” Chris apologizes. “I guess that’s kind of cold, isn’t it?”

“A little, but, um, I think you can warm me up.”

Chris giggles as he glances down and continues to jerk Darren off, thinking about how Darren said he could warm him up on their first date ice skating a few weeks ago.

“Thanks for laughing at my lack of comfort,” Darren remarks wryly, arching up into Chris’ touch.

“It wasn’t at you, just um, something you said. You offered to warm me up that day we went ice skating,” Chris explains, adjusting his grip to fit Darren’s cock and his own neglected one.

“Oh, mmm, yeah, that’s perfect.” Darren groans as the heel of Chris’ palm rubs against him. “I, um, yeah, you’re right. Guess you’re returning the favor, sweetheart.”

Instead of answering right away, Chris watches Darren’s eyes close and his mouth fall open as he works them both some more as much as he can. It’s the only time he’s ever seen Darren like this and he wants to memorize it for when Darren is gone for the next few days.

He feels close himself but is trying to hold off so he can watch Darren’s face some more; he needs to see it and know that he’s the one who caused it, needs to hear his name on Darren’s lips.

“Mmm,” Chris finally replies vaguely. “Guess I am.”

“Keep, fuck, keep going, babe. Harder.”

So he does, stroking faster and grazing his thumb near the underside where their cocks touch, making Darren moan.

“Shit, you’re so good. Make me feel so good,” Darren says, pushing up into his grasp as Chris grips them both tight. “Chris, baby.”

Chris kisses him long and deep, continuing to work them both over. He breaks away and pecks Darren on the mouth once more, missing the taste. Chris pulls back enough to study him, from his sleep-rumpled hair to the slight stubble on his jaw, his cute nose and full, wet lips; he’s never seen a sight more stunning.

“Oh, Dare,” he exclaims, voice low and private.

That’s all it takes for Darren to spill over Chris’ fist, with a loud cry of Chris’ name.

Chris keeps working him and himself until Darren goes soft and Chris reaches his release as well.

Chris’ hand falls away and he wipes it on the mattress.

“Good morning to you, too, sweetheart,” Darren murmurs, his toes sliding up Chris’ shin. 

Chris shivers and scrunches his face in discomfort. “Your toes are cold.”

“Guess you didn’t warm me up that much.” Darren laughs, one hand curving around the small of Chris’ back. “But it was still a nice way to wake up.”

As Chris’ own hand finds Darren’s waist, Chris sees Darren’s mouth still turned upward in a smile and he can’t help agreeing. He thinks he’d like to wake up to this sight much more often.

“That’s true,” Chris says simply. “Just can’t get enough, can you?”

“I should be saying that to you.” Darren rests his forehead against Chris’ before kissing his nose. “You really went all out with your Christmas present, babe.”

“Mmm, I try to give the very best,” he tells Darren happily. “But, um, this isn’t all I’m giving you, remember? I do have an actual gift for you, not just me.”

“Oh, right. I do, too. After a nice dinner and good company, I feel pretty fucking spoiled, to be honest. I don’t even need anything else.” He presses closer, their legs tangling.

“Good company, eh?” Chris teases. “Is that all I am?”

Darren shakes his head with a smile. “You’re great company. I can prove it.”

Chris is about to ask how but then Darren pulls him in for another kiss, long and slow this time. He can feel Darren’s chest warm against his and his own cock desperately twitching with sensitivity as Darren’s tongue sweeps along the seam of his lips. Chris lets him in easily, still tasting Darren’s stale morning breath, which should be a turnoff but somehow only adds to the intimacy. He digs his blunt fingernails into Darren’s back, hoping to leave a mark that Darren can feel and remember. Darren inhales sharply and pulls back slightly to suck on Chris’ bottom lip and then his top one. Darren’s hand slides up the middle of his back and he splays his hand out between Chris’ shoulders, holding him close.

Chris realizes that like Darren said, this is the best Christmas present ever, but it’s a present to himself as well as Darren; it’s a gift to learn more about how Darren tastes nearly everywhere, how he smells after sex, and what he feels like naked in his arms. And he only wants more.

But his stomach has other ideas, grumbling in protest and ruining the moment. Chris’ face heats up so he covers his eyes with his hands to avoid Darren’s inevitable judgment. However, Darren chuckles and pulls Chris’ hands away from his face.

“It’s okay, Chris. It happens to everyone. I’m starving too,” Darren admits. “Do you have anything for breakfast?”

Chris opens his eyes and nods, still blushing.

“God, you’re still so fucking cute,” Darren remarks. “Come on, let’s go eat.”

With that, they steal kisses as they hastily change before heading to the kitchen. Chris throws on a t-shirt and a pair of sweats while Darren only bothers with boxers. Once they’re finished, they wash their hands in the bathroom and then they walk down the hallway, Darren’s hand clasped in his.

But then Darren lets go to help Chris clean up the food they left out last night. Darren finds a couple of containers in a cabinet and puts the leftover meatballs in one of the containers. Then Darren hands him the other container and Chris pours what’s left of the pasta into it. Chris also pours the little bit of sauce left on top on the pasta. Darren takes each tray and pot and throws them into the sink while Chris looks in the fridge for something to feed them. Again, Darren moves so effortlessly about the room that Chris thinks he kind of belongs here.

Chris stares blankly inside the refrigerator, still just as struck at the notion as he was the night before. A pair of warm arms wrap around his middle, Darren’s bare chest pressing against the thin material of Chris’ shirt.

Darren’s lips brush against the back of Chris’ neck, reminding him of this morning and breaking Chris from his thoughts.

“You alright there?” Darren asks softly, rubbing Chris’ hips.

“Never better,” Chris replies, leaning into Darren’s touch. “Just wondering what to eat, or if there’s anything that’s even edible in here.”

“I know one thing that is,” Darren says, punctuating it with a nibble to Chris’ right earlobe. “Well, a lot of things probably.”

“Darren!” Chris admonishes, despite the heat flooding through him. “You really do need to eat something before you go.”

“I know. But I don’t want to think about leaving. I want to be here with you, Chris.”

Chris takes a deep breath, fear coursing through him as he’s on the verge of blurting out the question that’s been on his mind more and more between last night and this morning: if Darren wants to officially be his boyfriend. But he stops short, not wanting to ruin the moment.

Instead, he nods towards the carton of eggs on the bottom shelf. “Then, let’s make the most of it and make some breakfast. These look good. I think I have some bread too.”

“Sounds good, babe. What are you thinking of making?”

Chris turns his head toward Darren, whose curls are still ruffled and whose golden eyes are still hazy with lust.

“How do you like your eggs, Dare?” Chris asks him.

Darren smiles and kisses the corner of Chris’ mouth. “Made by a handsome chef.”

Chris can’t help the fluttering of his heart at Darren’s show of affection. “You don’t need to flatter me. I already had sex with you.”

“I know,” Darren tells him. “Twice, but it helps to butter up the guy who’s cooking your food. Also, I’d like to continue having sex with you in the future.”

Chris laughs, realizing that Darren’s comments might be a good sign for their would-be relationship. “Good answer, but seriously, how about scrambled eggs?”

“Anything sounds amazing.” Darren lifts up on his toes to gaze into the refrigerator. “You got any bacon, babe?”

He’s so cute that Chris kisses his cheek before he answers Darren. “Yes, but I better stick to making it, unless you want to put a shirt on, which I am thoroughly opposed to.”

Darren chuckles. “So what’s my job, stand in the kitchen and look pretty while you slave over breakfast?” 

Chris turns around in Darren’s embrace to face him, glancing up and down his body. “That’s something I’m _not_ opposed to, although you can put the bread in the toaster and start the coffee, or the kettle for tea, if you prefer.”

“I am happy to be your sous chef, and coffee sounds amazing.” Darren smirks and licks his lips. “I, uh, I’ll get on that. Where’s your bread?”

After Chris points out the drawer where he keeps the bread, Darren parts from him and crosses the room to get it. Then Chris turns back to the fridge, pulling out the eggs, bacon, and butter, placing them on the counter next to the stove.

When Chris gets the two pans and puts them on the stovetop, he notices that Darren’s bent over the bread drawer, giving him a delicious view of Darren’s ass. Chris can’t resist spanking him soundly.

Darren looks up at him curiously and raises an eyebrow.

“Just giving you a taste of your own medicine,” Chris reasons with a smile. “Are you not into that?”

Darren bites his lip, his eyes flickering across Chris’ face. “It’s cool. I am totally into it.”

“Good. We will definitely do more of that, then,” Chris says, echoing his words earlier in the bedroom. “Maybe after breakfast?”

“Sounds very tempting,” Darren replies, taking two pieces of bread out and sticking them into the toaster. “Forget the eggs and bacon then.”

“You know you’re going to be dreaming of bacon when you’re on that flight later,” Chris reminds him, silently cursing himself for ruining the moment and bringing up Darren’s departure.

Darren frowns. “You’re right, but it won’t be the only thing I’ll be dreaming of.”

Chris lets the implications of that comment lie where they are, knowing he’ll be dreaming of Darren too, since he’s decided to stay in New York for the holiday (he had just gone back home for Thanksgiving and he couldn’t take the sympathetic looks from his sister and father, although now he might be able to endure them). Instead, he busies himself with watching the bacon sizzle in the pan and listens to Darren shuffling about to prepare the coffee.

Chris also takes out a butter knife and cuts off a pat of butter to toss in the pan for the eggs. He almost gets lost in the smell of coffee brewing and the crackle of bacon before he realizes he forgot something.

“Shit, Dare, could you get me the milk and a small metal bowl from the cabinet above the coffee maker?” He asks without turning around. “I’m going to need it for scrambled eggs.”

“Sure, no problem,” he remarks, setting the items down on the other side of the stove. “I can crack a few eggs, add the milk to it, and whisk it real quick before the butter burns.”

“Thank you, sous chef. I’ll reward you handsomely later.”

“I believe you already have,” he replies, squeezing Chris’ side.

Then Darren gets to work on the task he mentioned, borrowing a fork from Chris to mix the splash of milk with the eggs before he pours them into the pan. As Chris flips the bacon over, he thinks of how this could easily be their morning ritual when Darren stays over, and maybe beyond, if they ever had their own place.

That is, if Darren doesn’t burn the bread. Chris laughs, watching him scramble for plates as the toaster pops with two pieces of steaming, dark brown bread that’s blackened on the edges. Chris glances between the slices of bread and Darren’s frantic gaze.

“They still look edible,” Chris utters, bemused.

“Barely.” Darren grabs the butter knife that Chris left on the counter, along with the butter. “I’m a terrible sous chef.”

“Which is why you should’ve just stood there and looked pretty while I cooked.”

Darren huffs while he butters the bread.

Chris turns off the pan with the bacon in it, letting it cook some more as he gets a wooden spoon from the drawer.

“I’m kidding,” Chris continues, breaking up the solidifying eggs a bit with the spoon. “You were indispensable in preparing the scrambled eggs and I’ll still eat your toast.”

Darren crosses the room, taking his spot behind Chris once again and dipping his fingertips just underneath the waistband of Chris’ sweatpants, grazing his bare hips.

“Good to know that I’m indispensable and you’ll still eat my toast,” Darren comments. “That bodes well for me, especially if toast is a metaphor in this situation.”

“Mmm hmm,” Chris murmurs, stirring up the eggs and desperately trying not to be distracted by Darren’s touch. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

For his part, Darren simply kisses his jaw and up and down his neck, allowing the heaviness of the statement to permeate the air; if that’s not making Darren run, then maybe they’ll be okay.

Soon enough, Darren extracts himself from Chris to bring over the plates of toast. Effortlessly, Chris uses a spatula to place some eggs and two pieces of bacon on the plate next to each respective slice. Then Darren finds the mugs and pours the coffee, careful to ask how Chris prefers it before preparing it to his liking.

With that, Chris places each plate on the table and sits down to eat. Darren brings Chris’ coffee to him and kisses him squarely on the mouth before he sets down his own coffee beside his breakfast; Darren also pulls his place setting closer to Chris and sits right next to him rather than across from him. It’s so domestic and sweet and Chris knows he wants more of Darren inhabiting his space like this. Weeks ago, he was afraid of even texting Darren and now he’s picturing him, here, for countless other mornings.

An oblivious Darren nudges his foot against Chris’ ankle while chewing on some food. 

Maybe it’s the new relationship feelings overtaking him but Chris thinks that they could be happy here, as long as they’re together. They continue eating wordlessly, Darren’s cold toes hiking up the bottom of Chris’ sweatpants leg the only reminder that he’s still there. But soon enough they clean their plates and Chris looks up to see Darren smiling into his coffee cup. So Chris gets up and kisses the taste of coffee from Darren’s lips before declaring that they should probably exchange gifts now.

“Personally, gifts are overrated,” Darren mumbles against Chris’ lips after they kiss again and throw their dishes and mugs in the sink. “Making out is awesome.”

“We’re running out of time. I want you to have your present before you leave,” Chris explains, even if Darren’s hold on his hips is breaking down his resolve.

“I told you, I’ve already got my present but I guess I’m down for more,” Darren tells him, still gripping Chris’ hips as they walk over to the couch together.

Chris pushes Darren’s hands off of him and pushes him down onto the couch so that Darren is sitting down. Chris’ eyes wander over Darren’s nearly naked frame, including his tented boxers, and he’s so tempted to straddle him right there, despite his awareness that Darren has to go soon.

But he contains himself and grins at Darren instead before striding over to the tree to grab his gift. Then he hands the small wrapped box to Darren, whose eyes widen. 

However, Darren plays it off with a sly smile. “If this is a thong—”

“Just open it,” Chris interrupts, sitting next to him and then poking his side.

“You could probably use it more than me right now,” Darren finishes with a laugh.

But then he rips the paper off the box and opens it with a gasp.

“Chris,” he exclaims, staring down at the contents. “This is fucking beautiful.”

“Take it out,” Chris urges, his heart in his throat as Darren’s fingers reverently stroke the leather chain of the necklace.

Darren studies the jade guitar pick shaped charm first before his eyes land on the bronze charm next to it. Darren blinks for a moment, reading the words that Chris had inscribed there.

Chris doesn’t say anything for a moment and looks down at his hands in his lap, wondering if he made the right move. But then Darren grabs one of his hands and kisses his knuckles.

Darren breaks the silence, still clutching Chris’ fingers while the necklace is safely back in its box.

“I love it,” Darren declares, holding his gaze. “And I get it. I—I feel it, too.”

Considering how long they’ve known each other and how long it’s taken Chris to let someone into his heart, that’s enough. But he doesn’t answer in words, instead squeezing Darren’s fingers in his own and nodding.

“So are you going to put it on me?” Darren questions, tilting his head downward slightly toward where the necklace lies.

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Chris answers, letting go of Darren’s hand and then picking up the necklace with shaking hands. 

His heart warms as his eyes briefly catch the word “love” on the bronze charm, glad that Darren hasn’t bristled at the idea that they are and could be so much more than a holiday fling. They’ve been heading in that direction for a long time, with Darren acknowledging it long before Chris had. Now, Chris has given him the proof that they’re on the same page and Darren can wear that reminder around his neck when he’s gone. This, Chris concludes, is far more meaningful than anything they’ve done in the past twenty-four hours.

With that, Chris ties the leather chain in a bow at the base of Darren’s neck with fumbling fingers. 

Darren turns back around, beaming at him. “Thank you, Chris.”

“You’re welcome.”

Darren further thanks him with a kiss and then chuckles.

“Well, shit, I don’t know how to follow that,” Darren tells him. 

But then he gets up to retrieve Chris’ gift from underneath the tree. He hands the bag to Chris and sits backs down on the edge of the couch cushion.

Darren’s hands rest on his own knees and his eyes flit across Chris’ face. 

“Hope you like it, Chris,” Darren adds, watching Chris pull out his gift.

Chris carefully takes the tissue paper out of the bag and pulls out the gift inside, a journal with a black leather-bound cover.

“For, um, for writing your next big masterpiece, which I know you will,” Darren continues. “You told me you’ve been a little stuck and that sometimes when you wake up, you need the feel of the paper and pen to write shit down rather than using your phone or opening up your laptop or whatever. It reminds you of when you were a kid working on what would be your first book. I remember you saying something about it a couple weeks ago when we ordered takeout at my place. I know it’s not a lot, but—”

“It’s wonderful,” Chris finishes, looking down at the dark, rough surface of the journal and running his fingers over the cover. “I love it.”

It’s so simple yet so elegant and thoughtful at the same time, and knowing that Darren got it because he recalled an off-handed tidbit from Chris’ childhood makes it that much more special. Also, right before he met Darren, he had struggled to put pen to paper or to type words and make progress on his latest project. But since then, the words have flown out of him when he was away from Darren and he had found the time to write, sometimes in a notebook and sometimes on his laptop or his phone. He had actually almost filled the notebook in his nightstand and this journal was so much nicer than that one. So he resolves to keep it there and will smile and think of Darren every time he uses it.

Chris finally looks up at him. “Thank you so much.”

“Wait, there should be one more thing in there,” Darren rushes out, glancing down at the bag.

“Oh, yeah.” Chris feels around inside the bag and finds a slim, black rectangular box.

“Open it,” Darren encourages.

Chris finds a pen inside that is shaped like a magic wand and when he picks it up and holds it, it feels heavy. 

“I figured it makes sense, since you were, like, into Harry Potter and you liked me back in the day or whatever,” Darren explains. “I mean, maybe it’s stupid—”

“It’s not stupid,” Chris reassures. “It’s adorable. You’re adorable when you ramble.”

Darren runs a hand through his curls and blushes. “Yeah?”

Chris nods, loving this new bashful side of Darren. “Of course. It’s perfect. I will definitely write my next new masterpiece in it and maybe even continue the one I’ve been working on.”

Darren sits up a little straighter, clearly preening. “Good. Glad I could have some hand in helping you craft that stuff, not that you need my help at all.”

Then Chris sets the pen and journal on the coffee table in front of them, wondering if he should thank Darren in some special way in the acknowledgements of the book he’s been writing. He could have gotten out of his post-breakup funk by himself but it would have taken a lot longer. Without Darren shining a light into the corners of himself that he thought were too dark to reach, his manuscript may still have been less than half-finished or may have sat there incomplete for many more months. Darren shouldn’t get all the credit, of course, but he has been an inspiration or at least a spark to jumpstart his heart and help him get to a place where he can write again. However, it’s too soon to say that anywhere in public or even out loud to Darren himself. It feels too serious and final, like laying roots down into soil that might not be hospitable; Chris still needs to test it somehow to be sure that it will blossom into something beautiful.

So far it has and after such a short time, that’s enough. Chris cups Darren’s cheek and kisses his mouth in thanks, hoping that will show just how much he feels. He rests his forehead against Darren’s own when they part and wishes him, “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Chris,” Darren whispers before kissing him again quickly. “I’m gonna miss you while I’m away.”

“I’m going to miss you, too,” Chris admits. “I wish you didn’t have to go.”

“I know but hopefully, it will go by so fast. I’ll be back before you know it, but in the meantime...” Darren trails off, his hand sliding up Chris’ thigh.

Soon enough, Chris has Darren on his back, lazily kissing his mouth and jaw and then sucking at Darren’s neck, determined to leave marks while carefully avoiding the leather chain there. He nips at Darren’s collarbone and sucks hard there, adding a bit of teeth. Darren groans and Chris can feel him getting hard against the thin material of his sweats.

“Babe, fuck,” Darren curses, gripping right above Chris’ elbow, possibly leaving marks of his own. 

Chris reaches down between them, stroking the outline of Darren through his boxers. Darren moans loudly, his other hand finding the small of Chris’ back and pressing him close.

For his part, Chris still sucks at the same spot on Darren’s collarbone, knowing there will be a generous mark there reminding Darren of him. 

“Ohh, yes!” Darren exclaims. “Love it. Feels so good. You’re so fucking amazing.”

Despite Darren’s encouragement and how he feels in Chris’ hand, Chris is content to simply explore, letting his hands roam over Darren’s skin, from the trail of hair below his belly button to across his chest. Once he pulls away and is satisfied with the mark on Darren’s collarbone, he tenderly traces over that with his fingers too.

Darren hisses when Chris touches the red mark but his hands play up Chris’ spine, as if he’s another instrument that Darren wants to learn. Chris wants to let him master that skill. But for now, he just lies there with his head on Darren’s chest, soaking in the touch and letting the fire between them dim to a slow-burning ember.

“So you’re gonna leave me with that?” Darren laughs, his voice low and throaty. “Blue balls.”

“Consider that a parting gift. It’s not like I’m not struggling here either, but, um.” Chris’ fingers once again graze the spot he left on Darren’s collarbone. “I figure now that I left you with one more reminder, I want to just be here with you. It’s not like we have to do anything.”

Darren’s fingers slowly dance across Chris’ shoulders and he agrees. “You’re right, but you’re also really hot and it’s really difficult for me to not touch you more right now.”

“But this is good, too, right?” Chris questions, lifting his head so that his chin rests on Darren’s chest. He catches sight of the jade and bronze charms, along with the thin leather band now gracing Darren’s neck.

Darren smiles, splaying his hand out between Chris’ shoulder blades. “Of course it is. Like I said, I’m gonna miss it.”

“But you’ll be back.”

“I will,” Darren affirms, his hand gently rubbing up and down Chris’ back. Chris takes the jade charm between his fingers and absently plays with it; he glances down at the bronze charm next to it, thinking about how Darren didn’t shy away from the word he used on there, though they’ve barely expressed such intense emotion to each other. He hopes it’s a good sign.

Darren staying with him almost until he has to get his flight is definitely a good sign; first, Darren is supposed to go back to his apartment and then meet Chuck and his family at Chuck’s place so they can head off to the airport together. While Chris is lying there on the couch with Darren, he considers begging Darren to change his plans and schedule a later flight or to at least see him off and go back to his place with him. This would give them only a little more time, but with Darren, it’s never enough. He learns this all too quickly when Darren suddenly stiffens under him.

“What? What is it?” Chris asks, lifting his head up a bit more.

“Just wondering what time it is. Chuck’ll be pissed if I miss a flight I was supposed to take with him, again. You know, three strikes you’re out and all that shit. I think I might be on my tenth.” Darren grins at him, those golden eyes flickering down to Chris’ mouth. “But if it is my tenth, totally worth it. He’ll have to forgive me.”

Darren raises his head off the couch to meet Chris’ lips for a kiss, which Chris returns with fervor, cradling Darren’s cheek. Darren’s hands slide down his back and rest just above his ass, causing Chris to press into him.

“You’re the worst,” Darren breaks away to murmur against Chris’ lips.

“Well, I’m making it worth your while, Dare. Something to remember me by while you’re on the plane,” Chris reasons.

“As if I don’t have enough to remember you by.” Darren laughs. “I really should get dressed and grab my phone.”

“Says the man currently trapped underneath me.”

“And I am not complaining about this position.” Darren’s hands trail lower. “But I am going to need my clothes and stuff for when I go back to see my parents.”

Chris sighs. “You’re actually the worst, not me. Don’t remind me about clothes right now.”

“Sorry, babe.” Darren smacks Chris’ ass. “C’mon, let’s get up.”

Chris reluctantly lifts himself up off Darren’s chest and takes his hand to stand up. Darren rises with him, still holding onto Chris’ hand as they head down the hallway together.

Once they get to his room, Chris sits on his bed, watching Darren change back into his clothes from last night. Darren is shirtless with his pants and socks on and sleep-rumpled hair, looking more gorgeous than any fantasy he’s ever had of moments like this.

“What?” Darren wonders, zipping up his pants.

“You’re actually real,” Chris blurts out. “And you’re here.”

“Yeah, I am. Should I ask how I lived up to your years of wet dreams?” Darren asks, still looking down.

Chris grabs his wrist and pulls him closer. Then Darren looks him in the eye.

“Much better,” Chris answers. “You couldn’t disappoint me.”

Darren looks away again, his mouth forming a hard line. “There’s still time for that. Just you wait.”

“Hey, what does that mean?”

“It means I like where we are now and I don’t want to screw it up,” Darren admits. “I’m good at this part, but the rest of it, not so much.”

“Well, we can figure it out. Let’s not rush it. I mean, going slow has worked for us so far.”

“Yeah, but you should know all the facts before we go any further.”

Chris’ brow furrows and his stomach drops, contemplating what Darren could be hiding from him. Is he serious about someone else? Is he playing Chris for a fool while trying to find someone better? Is this going to be the last time he sees him, despite all that happened between them last night and this morning?

“What do you have to tell me, Darren?”

Darren searches the floor for his shirt and puts it on before he sits next to Chris. 

“I really care about you and I think we could be something but my track record is not the greatest,” Darren confesses. “I’ve dated a bunch of people but none of them super serious in the last few years. Basically since I moved here. My last major relationship kind of crashed and burned.”

Chris grips Darren’s hand tightly, afraid to ask any more questions but willing himself to do so anyway, before he gets even more emotionally invested than he already is. 

“We all make mistakes,” Chris figures aloud. “What happened?”

“You’ve heard Lauren mention Julia?”

Chris nods, wondering why Darren would bring up whatever this is now, after such a wonderful night.

“Well, I—We dated for a year or two, on and off, in college,” Darren continues. “Then after college, we moved to Chicago, along with a bunch of other friends from college. We all started a production company, Starkid, and I lived with her for about a year. Things were okay, but they just didn’t feel right, like something was missing. We drifted apart slowly. At least I thought we were drifting apart. Maybe I just felt restless. But then we’re talking one day and she mentions marriage and a ring and settling down. And we drifted even further, until I just left and said I couldn’t do it anymore. I took off with barely a look back. I—I hurt her, Chris. I thought you should know that, given whatever happened with your ex.”

Suddenly, Chris’ grip on Darren’s hand loosens and memories flood back to Chris, of his ex slamming the front door as he left for good, leaving the life they had built over three years for the simple reason that he didn’t have feelings for him anymore. Chris was so broken that he threw himself into his work with hardly any result, having to delay the publishing of his next book several times. 

He had barely even looked at a guy in the last few months, until Darren, with his charming grin, his patience, and his piercing hazel eyes. Darren had listened to him discuss some of his problems and respectfully waited for Chris while he sorted through them. Could Darren be exactly like his ex anyway, leaving at a moment’s notice when Chris wants to commit to him?

“I know this is horrible timing, since I’m leaving and all and I’m not giving you any reason to trust me while I’m gone,” Darren goes on. “But I wanted you to know that I’m not that guy anymore. You—You’re what I want and I don’t want to let you go.” Darren’s knee nudges against his. “I want to be with you.”

Chris studies his face, those eyes shining at him so earnestly with unshed tears. Chris wants to believe him and thinks that maybe they’re on the same page, but he’s rushed into a relationship before, with the end result completely shattering his heart. He thought Darren could repair it, but in light of this new knowledge, he’s not so sure.

Chris lets go of Darren’s hand and declares, “I need time to think. Maybe it’s good that you’ll be gone.”

“Chris, I swear—”

Chris glances away from him and looks down at his hands solemnly. “You gave me the facts and now it’s time for me to consider them. Thank you for your honesty by the way. I appreciate it.”

“But I don’t want to leave things like this.”

Chris sighs. “You should’ve thought about that before you brought up what you did.”

Darren grabs Chris’ face in his hands. “When have I ever given you a reason to doubt me? I waited until you were ready to text me to pursue anything and I’ve waited to spend the night with you and be with you. I’ve given you the space you needed and I never pushed you into anything.”

Chris blinks, not wanting to hold his gaze. “Maybe there was a reason for that.”

“Yes, because I respect you and care about you. I have feelings for you and I’m not—I won’t abandon you, I promise. Please look at me.”

Chris does look at him then, Darren’s bright eyes searching his pleadingly.

“I wanted you to know the truth because that’s what boyfriends do. They don’t hold back from each other. So, please let me be your boyfriend, because I swear that’s what I want.”

Chris takes in a deep breath, suddenly feeling cold and exposed in his thin t-shirt, despite the warmth of Darren’s hands on him.

Chris pulls Darren’s hands off of his face, setting them in Darren’s lap. 

“I think you should go, Darren,” Chris tells him quietly. “I said I needed time to think and you said you’ve been patient. Can you be a little more patient?”

Darren gulps. “You’re right. I’ll give you all the time you need.”

Then Darren kisses Chris’ forehead and gets up to put his shoes on. With that, he walks toward Chris’ doorway and turns back for a moment.

“I’ll be back,” Darren promises. “See you soon. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Darren,” he whispers, unable to ignore the outline of his necklace underneath his shirt.

Chris stays there on his bed as he hears the door click shut, signaling Darren’s departure. How could Darren, who’s been nothing but patient and kind, hurt someone he loved the same way that Chris’ ex did? Did Darren cheat on her or did he just let the relationship break down until he was unwilling to work on it anymore? Could he give up on Chris too? Chris should have asked him these questions and yet he’s still in shock over this new information.

On their first date, Darren did hint at taking off from Chicago and how he didn’t go for opportunities that were safe bets. Maybe he was talking about Julia and staying with Starkid as the safe bet and working on music as what he really wanted to do. He was impulsive and rash and the choice to leave seemed to cause some resentment among his friends. Maybe he regrets it. But then again, this lead Darren to living in New York and meeting Chris, so Chris shouldn’t feel so hurt by what Darren did to someone else, even if it was similar to Kyle.

Maybe Chris is overreacting. However, he can’t tell Darren this now that he’s gone, and he can’t deny how what he’s learned about Darren has brought up old wounds. He really likes Darren and Darren hasn’t hurt him. But how can he trust him?

All these thoughts run through his head and he doesn’t know what to do, so he lays down on his bed, intending to go back to sleep. He wants to forget the last conversation he had with Darren and pretend that he didn’t find out that Darren’s past mistakes struck just the wrong nerve with him. He was happy last night and now he’s confused. But he’s on the side that Darren was and he smells him there, along with the smell of sex and sweat. Chris misses him already.

He decides against calling or texting until he can sort through his own feelings and figure out exactly how to proceed with Darren, or if he should proceed.

For now, though, he’ll have to go it alone.

\---

But not for long, because somehow, he falls asleep and when he wakes up flat on his back, Lea is standing at the foot of his bed.

“You should really change your sheets,” Lea advises with a grimace. “You totally got some last night and I can smell it.”

Chris yawns and stretches. “Shut up and let me go back to sleep.”

Lea grins and kicks his foot. “Hey, was it Darren, finally?”

“Finally? How do you know I didn’t already—?”

She sits down on the corner of his bed by his feet and huffs. “Because you’ve been walking around like a cat in heat for the past two weeks. I could just tell you wanted to but for whatever reason you didn’t seal the deal. Was it the big night last night? The wining and dining to get him into bed.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. Can you go away?” He turns away from her to avoid her curious gaze.

“Ooh, was it bad? Is that why he isn’t here? He doesn’t seem like he’d be bad in bed.”

“Again, how would you know?” He asks without looking at her.

He could feel her nudging at his shoulder, along with a dip in the bed and a weight behind him but not touching him.

“I just know, Christopher. He seems pretty hot and charming from the way you’ve been talking about him. There’s no way he’d be bad, unless it was a fluke or you didn’t have chemistry or something. But I doubt that.”

“Can you stop asking me about my sex life, Lea? And get out of my bed?” He exclaims as loud as he can while his voice is still gruff with sleep.

“Geez, for someone who got laid recently, you’re pretty touchy.” He feels her shift in the bed and thinks she might be sitting up now. “Oh, he had to leave to go back home for Christmas, didn’t he?”

“Yes, I will tell you that much if it gets you out of my bed,” he tells her sternly.

She pushes at his shoulder until he turns to lay flat on his back again and is looking up at her from where she sits next to him on the mattress.

“I want to know because I’m your friend and we dish about our lives,” Lea explains. “I listened to you when you went through that shit with Kyle and I let you sit there and sulk. I would go through that with you again if you needed to because I care, Chris. That’s all. But if you’re comfortable with it, I can go.”

“Yes, please. I’d like you to leave.”

“What happened, though? This seems like more than missing him. Did he do something?” She arches an eyebrow. “Do I have to kick his ass? Because I swear to God, I will get on a plane and find him if I have to.”

Chris’ head aches with her questions and his own that he has about Darren still swirling around his brain.

Still, he blinks and tries a small smile. “Thanks for the offer, but it’s something I have to figure out for myself. He didn’t do anything. Well, not really. Not to me, anyway.”

“What the hell did he do to someone else that made you feel like this after you’ve had sex with him? Do you want to tell me?”

His smile fades as he catches her frown and big, concerned brown eyes. She’s always been supportive, forcing him to eat after his ex left and giving him a shoulder to cry on and a drink when he needed it. Letting some of his feelings out and letting her in once more could be a good thing.

He sighs and looks her in the eyes again. “I don’t know the whole story but he took off on his ex. Just up and left when she wanted to marry him. Just like that. Sound familiar? I mean, not the marriage part, but the leaving part.”

“Oh, Chris, honey.” She squeezes his upper arm. “I’m sorry. Do you think he’s experimenting with you? Like you’re his sexuality crisis after whatever that mess was with his ex?”

“That’s not helping, Lea. And no, I don’t think that’s the case. I’m more concerned with the whole fact that he can leave someone without looking back. I don’t care about the gender of his ex.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I understand your feelings but I can tell you that I haven’t ever seen you as happy as you’ve been the past two weeks, not even when you first started dating Kyle. Maybe this Darren guy is different. Maybe he’s worth taking a chance on and working through this.”

“Why are you on his side?”

“I’m not. I’m on yours. I want you to be happy and Darren’s done that for you more often than not lately. But the second he doesn’t do that and he brings you more heartache than joy for whatever reason, I’ll be there with a bottle of tequila, babe.”

“So, what you’re saying is that this is a bump in the road and I have to live with the fear that he might leave me because that’s what happens with every guy I’ve ever cared about?”

“No, but you do need to talk to him. Find out everything before you judge him based on your shitty ex. Don’t let Kyle ruin your shot with this guy even though he’s not here. You can’t let him haunt you forever.”

“But I’m allowed to have feelings because of it, Lea. He was an asshole.”

“Who you let control your feelings long after he was gone. You always get into your own head too much. Don’t do it again. Let yourself be happy and talk to Darren about how you feel.”

“I can’t.”

“Why the hell not?”

“It’s almost Christmas and he’s gone.”

She rubs at his arm. “You’re right. Until then, we can have the best Christmas ever without him or anyone else. No men involved.”

He narrows his eyes but doesn’t dare to ask about whatever is going on in her love life. He has enough to worry about.

Instead, he says, “Yeah, okay.”

Then he turns on his side, wanting to go back to sleep again and forget the bad parts of the last twenty-four hours. He lies there in silence, hoping she gets the hint and leaves him alone.

However, after a little while, the bed still hasn’t shifted, indicating that she probably hasn’t left yet. So he thinks of a suggestion that might help.

“Lea, I think I want some tequila on Christmas.”

“Done. I will find the nearest place and get some later or something,” she replies from her spot behind him.

Chris sighs but thanks her anyway. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, sweetheart.”

“Why not now, though?” He urges and turns to face her again, hoping she’ll take the hint.

But she doesn’t, instead asking him to binge watch some show he hasn’t seen yet.

“We’ve got some time for alcohol,” she explains as she brushes a strand of hair off his forehead. “I’m not leaving you alone yet in the state you’re in. So we should get up and marathon a reality show. Ooh, have you seen “Queer Eye” yet?”

He glances away from her. “I’m not sure I’m in the mood for a makeover show. It’s not really my style. I’m not in the mood for any more drama either. I know you don’t want to leave me alone but I kind of just want to be by myself for a little while. You know, process everything and think about what it means.”

“You’re always thinking. Maybe not thinking about it will spark some realization about what you want to do.”

“Yes, maybe, but I really don’t want to do anything. The whole thing just happened and I already rehashed it for you. I’d like to get some sleep. We can watch some shows later or something, okay?”

She sits up and huffs. “Fine. I’ll let you be alone. I’ll go scope out some vegan ice cream and binge watch something by myself.”

“You do that. Maybe I’ll join you later.”

With that, she gets up and leaves, but then she turns at the doorway and says, “You know you can’t sulk forever. It’s not like you lost him yet.”

Her words ring through his head as he drifts off once more, wondering how he’s going to repair his relationship with Darren, which may not even be too broken.

At least he hopes it isn’t.

\---

It’s a good sign when Darren texts him that he’s landed in San Fran.

_I know I said I’d give you time. Just wanted to let you know that I got there safely. <3_

It’s so sweet, which reminds Chris of one of the reasons he fell for Darren to begin with: his caring nature. Darren can’t stop caring even though Chris told him that he needed to think. It’s a nice reminder that maybe Darren has learned from whatever he’s done in the past.

So Chris decides to text him back, simply with:

_Thank you. Hope you have a great Christmas with your family._

After how close they’ve gotten since their dinner date, he feels a knot in his stomach at how impersonal of a message he’s sent, as if they were casual acquaintances wishing each other well instead of two men who just spent the night together and exchanged meaningful gifts before they parted.

Darren had listened to him over these last few weeks and gave him a beautiful journal which should be sitting in his nightstand, rather than abandoned on his coffee table. But soon enough, he will place it there to write down ideas, which will come eventually, after he resolves his issues with Darren.

He supposes his issues aren’t really with Darren but with his unresolved feelings toward his past breakup with Kyle. If Kyle could fall out of love with him and Darren could fall out of love with someone else, then his brain must reason that Darren will leave him, too. However, this way of thinking may be faulty because Darren never gave him any reason to doubt him, until now.

In fact, Darren knew about Chris’ past and trusted him enough to tell him the truth about his own past, even if it meant losing Chris altogether. If Darren could place that kind of faith in Chris after only a few weeks of knowing him, then maybe Chris can work through his own problems and talk to Darren. This way, they won’t end before they’ve really begun.

But until then, he’ll have to wait for Darren to return so he can tell him.

With all these thoughts, he settles on asking Lea to get wine instead of tequila to celebrate on Christmas Eve before she goes to see family in New Jersey for Christmas Day. 

When he pads out to the living room to find her with popcorn watching “Real Housewives of New York,” he updates her on the plan.

She grins after chomping on a few kernels and nods. “Well, something must have changed then.”

“Not much,” he responds as he parks himself on the couch next to her. “I got in my own head enough to figure a few things out.”

“Good. Wine it is then. I’ll head out later and get two bottles so we’ll have it for the weekend and Christmas Eve.”

“I’m glad we have a plan for the next few days then,” he comments before stealing popcorn from her bowl.

She narrows her eyes at him.

For his part, he sticks his tongue out at her after he chews and swallows the handful he took.

She shakes her head but continues eating. Once she swallows down some more, she wraps an arm around the bowl, cradling it to hoard.

Chris sighs and decides to watch some more of the episode where Ramona dramatically stands up in the middle of the restaurant and starts arguing with another housewife whose name he can’t remember.

After the episode ends, Lea curses. “Shit. I just realized I have to go to my grandparents’ for Christmas Eve. You know, the Seven Fishes and all. It’s an Italian thing.”

“I remember, Lea. You only texted me complaining about how grossed out you were last year when I was back home.”

“You’re welcome to come and have a front row seat.” She smiles tightly at him before schooling her expression. “I would hate to leave you here alone.”

“It’s alright. We’ll just celebrate with the wine these next few days and I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll call Hannah and talk to her. I could get some writing done.”

“Okay.” She shrugs and takes a few pieces of popcorn from the bowl. “The door is always open for you though. My mom would love it.”

“I know. Maybe I’ll think about it.”

She eats the popcorn in her hand and then answers him. “There you go with the thinking again. Maybe we should get the wine now. That’ll turn it off.”

Chris laughs for the first time since Darren left yesterday, a hopeful indication of what’s to come. 

But for now, he keeps stealing popcorn from Lea and binge watching this show, losing himself in the drama of other people’s lives.

Soon enough, he’ll spend some more time with Lea and confess his thoughts and feelings to Darren.

Then, Chris can finally continue to move forward and not let the past hold him back anymore.

\---

So after a weekend of wine and chatting, where Lea fills him in about the fight she had with her guy, Chris sees Lea off on the night of Christmas Eve before she goes to her grandparents’ house; he decides not to intrude on her family time and instead focus on writing for a little while.

He gives Darren some more time, too, not wanting to interrupt his time with his brother, niece, sister-in-law, grandparents and whoever else he spends the holidays with. Chris realizes that since they only recently met, he doesn’t know much about Darren’s holiday traditions, but he wants to learn. Chris also realizes that he should probably talk to at least one of his family members since he’s not going to see any of them.

So after writing for half an hour, he thinks of talking to Hannah, before she berates him for not showing up and not calling her for the holiday.

They have a brief chat and he can hear her sympathetic sigh when he mentions wanting to take a break from flying out there for once. 

“Maybe you can spend Christmas in New York with me next year, Han.”

_“Sounds good, Bubba. You know this doesn’t get you out of sending me a present this year. I don’t even care if it’s late.”_

“I’m sure I’ll sleep-shop my way into finding something good for you in time for New Year’s.”

_“You better,”_ she chides, _“as long as you’re okay.”_

“I promise I will be.” He smiles, thinking of Darren’s face and how he’ll soon get to see him.

He’ll spill his heart out the way Darren had before he left, and if he’s lucky, Darren will take it.

\---

He probably will, but first, Chris spends Christmas finally washing his sheets and ordering Chinese takeout (Lea decides to stay overnight at her parents’ house and spend Christmas morning with them, for which she apologizes; Chris tells her not to worry about it, but she still invites him to spend the day with her family. He thanks her for the offer but declines, content to relax at home). 

Although the Chinese restaurant has been his usual place since he moved into the neighborhood, it isn’t as good as when he shares it with Darren at Darren’s local place. So as he eats the lo mein with chopsticks, he stares down at the journal that Darren had bought him, still sitting on the coffee table.

He puts the container down on the table and picks up the special pen he got from Darren as well as the journal. He writes down ideas for a character that is very similar to Darren, a prince who of course, is an animal. He thinks that perhaps a bouncy frog might suit his personality. As he jots down his notes, he laughs and wonders what Darren will think when he shares this information with him.

After he eats, he sticks his sheets in the dryer and then hauls them up from the laundry room in the basement. Once he changes his sheets, he sits on his bed and finishes up the wine that he started with Darren while he types up a few pages of his manuscript. He doesn’t feel like moving to get his journal so he adds what he can remember from his notes, introducing the new character who helps the king celebrate a special holiday in the kingdom. Froggy, as Chris names him, brightens up the festivities with his cheerfulness, bringing new life to the king and his subjects.

He finds a good place to stop and soon discovers that he’s written nearly twenty pages and it’s eleven-thirty at night. He feels a pleasant buzz flowing through him when he closes his laptop so he picks up his phone. He realizes that with the time difference, it’s much earlier where Darren is and decides to text him.

_Merry Christmas, baby. Can’t wait to see you again soon._

He stares at his phone for a bit and nods off for apparently about ten minutes because that’s how long ago he received a reply from Darren.

_Merry Christmas. Glad to hear it. I’ll let you know when I land back in the city, babe._

Warmth floods through him at the positive sentiment and the pet name, wishing Darren’s brief time away would speed up.

Luckily, he doesn’t have to worry too much more, because he passes out, with thoughts of Darren’s arms around him.

He just can’t wait.

\---

Chris blinks awake with a dull ache in his head and the bright morning sun in his eyes on December 26th. As soon as he comes to, his first thought is to check his phone for a word from Darren. But there isn’t any text from him, only one from Lea letting Chris know that she stopped by her boyfriend’s house and she isn’t sure when she’ll be home.

He sighs but tells her it’s fine and that maybe he’ll see her later. He stretches and lays in bed for a little while longer until he gets up to make his bed and go to the bathroom. He thinks of making breakfast but returns to his room to grab his phone first.

There’s still no message from Darren.

But there is his sister with a teasing reminder to send her a present.

It’s enough for Chris to laugh and slightly curb his worry over Darren. So after he replies and reassures her again that she’ll get a gift, he busies himself with making a small batch of pancakes to eat.

He wonders if he scared Darren away or confused him last night, given the last conversation they had in person. He said he needed time to think and he’s pretty much done nothing but that these last few days; however, he told Darren that he can’t wait to see him with no explanation or mention of Darren’s confession about his past or his own reaction to it. Maybe Darren needs time to think now too, after Chris’ whirlwind reversal of emotions.

These thoughts race through Chris’ head as he eats his pancakes and drinks his orange juice. He checks his phone again after he’s eaten about three-quarters of his pancakes and has drunk half his juice. 

There isn’t any text or phone call from Darren.

Chris panics and briefly thinks that maybe all the discussion of Darren’s ex stirred up old feelings; maybe leaving Julia was a mistake that Darren realized he had to make right. But his continued contact with Chris proves otherwise. Chris shakes the irrational idea away and reasons that there must be an explanation for Darren’s recent radio silence.

He fears that the plane crashed on the way back to the city or maybe the taxi on the way to Darren’s or Chuck’s place crashed. Or the subway broke down again and Darren can’t reach him, the third of which wouldn’t mean Darren was injured but he simply couldn’t call or text. The taxi or subway issues wouldn’t explain why Darren didn’t text after his plane landed. Maybe Chris is still hungover from last night and overreacting; maybe too much time alone is screwing with his head.

He finishes his orange juice and polishes off his pancakes, hoping that Darren simply forgot and will somehow ease him soon. 

He gets his answer after he throws his plate, cup, and utensils in the sink. 

There’s one loud knock on the door, then another, and then one more.

On the other side is Darren, just as beautiful as ever with a few days’ growth of stubble and flushed cheeks despite wearing the tan and blue windbreaker that he had on during their ice skating date. He’s wearing the same square black-rimmed glasses, too, but his hair isn’t covered by a beanie. Instead, his curls are sticking out every which way, as if he had run his fingers through it or just taken his hat off. 

After admiring all these features, Chris doesn’t even have time to say anything before Darren’s words tumble out.

“I know I said I’d let you know when I landed. Well, I’m here. I thought it’d be better than calling or texting. And I know you said to wait and give you time but then you said you couldn’t wait to see me so I figured I’d just drop by instead. I want you to know that whatever I’ve done before and whatever you’ve gone through, that’s in the past. Clearly that shit is still bothering you but I’ll spend every minute of every day making up for it because I’d like to be around as long as you want me to stay. Whatever happens, we’ll talk about it. Just tell me you want me to stay.”

Chris takes a deep breath and takes one of Darren’s hands in both of his, Darren’s other hand occupied with something that he can’t see. Then he nods.

“I want you to stay, Darren. I’m—I was overreacting. I know that now. But dropping that on me right before you left, it—it messed me up a bit. It wasn’t okay for you to tell me that and then take off. I didn’t know how to react, especially after we got really close. We both did and said a lot of things that made me think you wanted us to last and then you made me question everything.”

Darren squeezes his hands. “I’m sorry. Like I said, I always find a way to screw up, but I want to be better. You make me want to be better. I was hoping that you’d get that.”

Chris grins tightly. “I did. I do. I know you didn’t necessarily hurt me and that wasn’t your intention. But given my history, you have to understand that I might have reservations about you. I have from the beginning, and that wasn’t about you. Now that I know what you’re capable of, you made it about you and about us. How would I know that you wouldn’t leave me too, the way you left her?”

“I see your point, Chris. And I—I really care about you. I know you’ve had a rough time and it was hard for you to accept that we could be something. But I like to think that we are going to be something, that we’re heading towards something real. So I needed you to know. I don’t want to hide anything from you. I wanted to be as honest as with you as you’ve been with me. Hell, you told me that I was basically your high school crush before we even met. That took some balls. I just wanted to have half the courage you do and tell you the truth. It’s what you deserve.”

Darren’s eyes shine so bright and earnest behind his glasses that Chris can feel that he means every word, that their intimate exchanges haven’t meant nothing. Chris still isn’t completely sure how Darren will treat him in the future, but he thinks that with this honest conversation and with more open communication, they might be able to last through the new year and beyond.

Chris swallows, his heart in his throat. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I want us to work. And I think you do too. But it’s going to take some time still, okay?”

Darren nods and sniffles. “Okay. So will you let me in?”

He thinks of the implications of Darren’s question, letting him into his home once again and into his heart even further. He really cares for Darren and although Darren has made mistakes, Darren cares for him, too. 

So Chris nods in return, pulling him inside by his hand. “Yes, I said I wanted you to stay and I meant it. Please come in.”

As Darren’s shoulders relax, his eyes crinkle and his face beams with so much love that Chris remembers why he started falling for him in the first place, from the very first day that Darren smiled at him in the store.

Darren helped Chris to love the holidays again and awakened Chris’ heart with the possibility of new love. He’s not about to let that go.

Darren finally comes into Chris’ apartment, dragging his rolling suitcase behind him with his other hand. Once he’s in the entryway, he lets go of the handle and hugs Chris tight. Chris breathes him in, the scent of the cold air still lingering on him. Somehow, his arms feel warm and almost safe, because while his ex left, Darren returned. At least he explained the truth and Chris let him, despite feeling confused and hurt, which has to count for something.

Chris breathes out, this time with the relief that maybe Darren will stay. He pulls back and looks Darren in the eye.

“You—Did you come here straight from the airport?”

Darren rubs up and down Chris’ back soothingly. “I needed to see you. I needed to make things right after that dumb move I pulled before I left.”

Chris chuckles. “Damn straight you did. You’re trying, more than my ex ever did, and I guess that’s what matters.”

“But I don’t ever want to make you think of your ex, not like this. If I do things right, hopefully you won’t ever have to think about him again, ba—I mean, Chris.”

Chris’ heart swells at Darren’s attempted affection; Darren can’t stop his feelings from showing even though Chris is upset with him.

“You know I do still think you’re adorable, Dare, among other attractive qualities. That hasn’t changed because I’m still trying to sort things out.”

Darren smiles again, a welcome sight after chatting about their issues. “So is that why I’m staying, because you think I’m adorable?”

Chris slides his arms down Darren’s shoulders, one of his palms landing over Darren’s heart. “Like I said, among other reasons. It doesn’t hurt to get to say that I’m dating my teenage dream.”

Darren looks down at Chris’ hand, those hazel eyes playful and filled with hope. “A dream come true?”

“Something like that. It’s better because you’re real. And with that comes all your past baggage. You have yours and I have mine. I have to work to accept them both. But you are what I want so I’ll take that challenge.”

Chris feels Darren’s heartbeat quicken under his touch and he wants to feel so much more than that, to remind his body and his heart how comforting it feels to be with Darren. But it’s only been a few short days since then and there will be time for that. 

So he settles for asking Darren to take his coat off and officially stay. 

Darren obliges him and says, “Gladly,” before joining him on the couch.

Darren sits next to him, leaving a few inches of space between them. Darren’s hands are firmly on his own knees; he clenches his fingers and then rubs his thighs. 

“So what do you want to do now that I’m staying?” Darren wonders cautiously, his eyes wild.

They’re not going to get as close as they did at their dinner date but it won’t hurt to feel Darren’s warmth a bit more.

“C’mere,” Chris urges.

Darren scoots a little closer, still leaving a little bit of space.

“You know, I do want you here,” Chris adds. “Just because it’s a little complicated right now doesn’t mean we have to completely abstain from touching.”

Darren moves close enough that their thighs touch and curves an arm around Chris’ shoulder. “Oh, thank God. I would respect you completely if you wanted to wait to do anything again and I still do, but, fuck, I missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you, too. You know I wouldn’t mind if we were even closer.”

Darren’s eyebrows draw together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I know you’re not opposed to cuddling, so I would really like that.”

Despite Chris’ conflicting feelings, he still wants Darren as near him as possible. For now, this will have to be as close as they can get.

“You mean, like, spooning?” Darren asks.

“Yeah, like we used to do, without the funny business.”

“Aww, but the funny business is my favorite part.”

Chris glares at him. “I can rescind that invitation though.”

“I’m kidding, mostly.” Darren laughs and then kicks off his shoes. “So how do you want to do this?”

As much as Chris wants Darren’s arms around him, he’d like to hold Darren just as much and doesn’t want to fully give himself away again, for now at least.

“I’ll be the big spoon this time, Dare,” he clarifies.

“I would love nothing more. Whatever you want, Chris.”

Chris brings his legs up and lies across the couch, glad that Darren is just as accepting as he was in the beginning of their relationship. It’s almost like they’re starting over and Darren is just as content to be near him without any further intimacy as he was then. It gives Chris hope that maybe he can trust him again.

Darren leans back against him, his socked feet rubbing against Chris’ ankle soothingly. As if he’s read Chris’ mind, he assures Chris. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Okay,” Chris returns, carefully wrapping an arm around Darren’s middle. 

“I mean it.” Darren turns around in his embrace. “Look.”

Chris narrows his eyes when he notices Darren reaching underneath his own sweater. 

Darren reveals the necklace that Chris gave him still hanging from his neck, the bronze and jade charms shining like a beacon guiding him back to Darren’s heart.

“I want you to know that I never took this off, Chris, and I thought about how hard it was for you to let me in. I know I made it even harder, especially with how new this thing is between you and me. But I realize that this isn’t just a necklace.” Darren grabs the bronze charm between two of his fingers. “It means something, especially the word you used on it. I still feel it too. I wanted to be clear about that.”

Darren takes Chris’ wrist and Chris reverently runs his fingers across the same charm that Darren had held, although Chris can’t see the words. For now, they’re words that he can’t fully express but knowing Darren feels them as much as he does is a good sign that they’ll get through this.

“Good,” Chris finally replies. “I do too. I’m glad you came back.”

“Of course I did. I don’t want to ever make you doubt that again. I told you I’ll make it up to you every second of every day if I have to and I will.”

Their legs tangle together as Darren drops his wrist and cups his face. Chris searches Darren’s face in return and sees nothing but honesty and perhaps love.

“I believe you,” Chris concedes.

So he reaches out, his fingers brushing the stubble of Darren’s cheek. Although he looks gorgeous the way he is, glasses and all, Chris wishes he could see Darren’s eyes more clearly.

“Can I—?” Chris starts, his fingers curving around the frame of one side of Darren’s glasses. “I know you’re blind as a bat without them but it’s easier for me to look at you.”

Darren’s eyes flicker across Chris’ face. “Oh, the irony. I’m not going away any time soon. You can look at me all you want.”

“Let me be clearer. It’s easier for me to kiss you without them in the way.”

Darren swallows. “I thought you wanted to take things slow.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t kiss you though, right? A kiss can just be a kiss.”

“Yeah, that’s true. So kiss me already.”

Chris raises an eyebrow. “You’re going to close your eyes soon enough anyway.”

“But I like you where you are. I don’t want you to take my glasses off.”

“Relax. I’ll come back.” Chris smiles, fingers still poised on Darren’s frames. 

“Fine. If it gets you to stop talking.” Darren’s mouth turns up, matching Chris’ own.

Chris finally slips Darren’s glasses off his face and gently tosses them onto his coffee table without changing his position too much. The glasses land next to his journal and pen, oddly enough.

“See? I’m still here and I still want to kiss you,” Chris confirms.

“Well, I can’t actually see, but that’s good to know. Why don’t you—?”

Chris leans in and cuts Darren off before he can finish. He softly presses his lips to Darren’s own and then deepens it as his hand finds Darren’s waist, digging his fingers there. Darren responds, his fingers trailing down Chris’ cheek to his neck and his leg hooking over Chris’. Chris can feel Darren’s arousal stirring against him, causing his own to grow. Still, he slides his fingers up Darren’s side while Darren’s hand slips to his shoulder. Darren’s tongue teases at Chris’ lips and Chris lets him in, unable to resist if only for a few moments. But then Chris breaks away, knowing he doesn’t want to go any further.

“Just a kiss,” Chris utters breathlessly.

Darren licks his lips, his thumb stroking Chris’ collarbone. “Right. Just a kiss.”

“But a really good one.”

“At least we’ve got that much figured out,” Darren points out before he kisses the corner of Chris’ mouth and rests his forehead against Chris’ own.

Chris wants to agree but he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. He also wants to bring up how he started writing again in the journal Darren gave him, even after he left. For this, he thinks, Darren and this blooming relationship is worth fighting for.

But as soon as Chris takes a breath, ready to mention at least one of these things, the door slams, causing him to jerk away.

“Hi, honey! I’m home!” Lea announces. “What’s the suitcase for? Are you going on a trip and you didn’t tell me?”

Darren laughs quietly.

Chris presses a finger to Darren’s lips and mouths, “Shut up!”

Lea’s heels click against the floor as she approaches. Then she exclaims, “Oh my God! What are you doing here?”

Chris’ finger slips from Darren’s lips and before Chris can warn him any further, Darren turns around and greets her.

“Hi. Nice to see you.”

“But you—” Lea stammers, looking at Darren. Her eyes shift from Darren to Chris. “And you—you told me—What the hell is going on here?”

“I took your advice, Lea,” Chris explains. “The opportunity just fell into my lap.”

Chris can hear Darren laughing once more, no doubt given their semi-intimate positions.

“Well, good for you.” Lea grins. “I’m happy for you. Glad you could get over yourself for once.”

“Lea!” Chris chides while Darren looks back at him questioningly. 

“Yes, we talked about some things and we’re still sorting them out,” Chris continues, looking between the both of them. “Not that you need to know everything, but Darren will be sticking around.”

“Yup,” Darren agrees. “We’re both trying and I like to think it’ll be good.”

“That’s great,” Lea says to them. “I, um, I’ll leave you two alone so you can make up or whatever it is you’re going to do. Merry Christmas to you both.”

“Merry Christmas,” Darren quickly tells her before he turns back toward Chris.

Lea spins on her heel to leave but Chris interrupts her.

“Wait a second. I just want to thank you for encouraging me to get out there again.” Chris blushes, knowing Darren’s eyes are on him. “I still have reservations but I think I’ll be alright.”

“That’s okay,” Lea replies. “I’m glad I dragged you to that store. I got you Christmas lights _and_ a man, so you’re welcome.”

With that, she struts down the hallway towards her room.

Then Darren giggles into Chris’ shoulder and looks up at him. “Well, she’s not wrong.”

Chris playfully taps his arm. “Why don’t you go thank her then?”

“If you’re implying what I think you’re implying, not a chance, babe.” It’s Darren turn to blush, and curse. “Shit, I didn’t mean—Actually, I did but—”

“Shh, it’s okay. I don’t mind it. We are dating after all.”

“Because I’m staying?”

“Because you’re staying.” 

Chris can’t stop his grin from forming yet again. Although he and Darren still aren’t official and they still have a long way to go, he has a feeling he won’t be spending Christmas alone next year. Maybe he won’t have to spend any other holidays alone either because Darren breaks his musings.

“So then can I ask you something, babe?”

“What?”

“Is it too soon to ask what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve?”

“No, not at all.”

Whatever Darren’s plans are for them for New Year’s Eve, Chris thinks it will be an improvement over their Christmas festivities so he says, “Yes.”

He’ll be anticipating the holiday as a chance for both of them to make a fresh start, to rebuild their relationship and perhaps make it official some time in the new year. 

For now, though, he’ll continue to cuddle with Darren tonight and he’ll share his notes from the journal, content that he’s found what he’s been looking for: a renewed love for writing, for Christmas, and a relationship with the man who used to be his teenage crush.

This holiday season, he couldn’t ask for anything more. 


End file.
